Via Instagram The face of somebody about to relief-eat her way through all the cheese.
Good news! My allergies didn’t kill me! Let’s start off with a quick by-the-numbers review before getting into the actual recap:
- Miles covered: 10
- McDonald’s bathrooms destroyed due to pre-race nerves and an ill-advised decision to eat jalapeno mac and cheese the night before: 1
- Same question, except port-a-potties: 2
- Level of rage on a scale of 1-10 when I realized they weren’t handing out medals at the finish: Voldemort.
Source ACCIO MY MEDAL, BITCHES.
Seriously though, I really enjoyed this race. Mostly because it contained only one hill, at the top of which sat a DJ blasting “Hot Blooded” on repeat. Because a good song to inspire a pack of sweaty runners who have just crested a giant hill is one that mentions having a fever of 103.
Anyway, the recap. First of all, you should know that I subscribe to the “slow but steady” philosophy when I run long distances. Part of it is due to my heart condition that causes tachycardia (and my addiction to fried foods covered in cheeses might play a role as well), but I have a really hard time sustaining a decent pace for more than three miles, no matter how many sprint drills I do. I finally decided to stop berating myself over the fact that I’m not fast and just let myself enjoy running. And the pre- and post-run fueling it allows me to engage in. Because what IS running, if not an excuse to eat more?
I was averaging a 10:30 pace when I was actually running. However, factoring in short walk breaks, taking pictures of the scenery, digging pebbles out of my shoes, and a visit to the medical tent to inquire about a Band-Aid for a blister, it took me around two hours to finish. See? Not fast. But I felt strong and had zero IT band pain, which tells me I’ve at least gotten stronger since my half marathon last year, when I kind of just wanted to ask the medics to amputate my left leg above the knee.
I also loved that it was an out-and-back course, not only because it didn’t require shuttles, but because I love seeing the leader pass me going the other way. I always get all emotional when I see that person running faster than I’ll ever be able to, and for a few seconds it makes me want to hire a running coach and start eating a raw food diet and get all serious about it. And then I remember how much I like Taco Bell and I’m like nah, I’m good with my mediocre abilities and Nacho Cheese Chalupa addiction.
I don’t know. It seemed appropriate.
The absolute best part about this race, though, was the crowd support. Entire classrooms of kids lined up outside a local elementary school to hand out water, offer high fives, and spray sweaty runners with a garden hose. Residents along the entire course were out in their driveways cheering us on, and at one point there was even a senior citizen bluegrass band jamming away and handing out water. How awesome is that? I figured the finish line area would be pretty empty since the leaders had finished like 45 minutes before I even got there, but when I rounded the corner for the final stretch, the crowd was almost as full and loud as it was when we started. I totally had a Chariots of Fire moment for that last 200 meters, as much as you can have a Chariots of Fire moment while Lil Wayne is all up in your ear buds threatening to pick the world up and drop it on your f!$#ing head.
I texted Dave after I finished to let him know that he didn’t need to come ID my body at the morgue, and when I got home a little bit later I found this on the dining room table:
You guys, he bought polka dot ribbon to tie the candy bars together and the balloon to the mojito bottle. He is the best.
And then I spent the rest of the day watching Netflix. The end.