This morning I was lying in bed doing my usual iPhone procrastinating when I saw on Facebook that I had allegedly been up all night pinning skin care and landscaping tips. Which is hilarious because everyone knows I don’t pin anything that’s not edible and covered in at least two types of cheese. I opened my Pinterest app and sure enough, it warned me that it looked like my account had been hacked. (I kind of wonder if somebody I know did this as a not-so-subtle hint, since I wash my face with cheap drugstore soap and we still haven’t filled in the hole in our lawn from this incident. Also, they changed my location to Paris. I WISH, PINTEREST HACKER.)
Anyway, I changed my password and deleted the weird boards, but I can’t figure out what somebody could gain from hacking a Pinterest account. Because I’m picturing this:
The sad thing is that a bunch of people re-pinned the hacker pins and started following me last night, so I predict that there will be many disappointed landscaping and face wash enthusiasts once my “four cheese mac and cheese with a side of cheese bread” recipes start flooding their feed. Sorry, guys.
Rihanna is right. I’m not sorry. And now I’m craving melted cheese. Hackers 1, Heather 0.
After feeling super lazy and sluggish last week (I blame the rain, and also the very essence of my being), I woke up on Sunday full of energy and ready to Get! Shit! Done!
It was like this, except without the Flowbie haircut.
After going grocery shopping and getting some work done, I made the mistake of turning on Breaking Bad and then proceeded to watch 13 EPISODES. So let’s see … that’s one, two, three, four, NINE hours of TV in one day. I could almost feel my muscles atrophy as I sat there, yet I COULD NOT STOP WATCHING.
Note: If you have not seen Breaking Bad and plan to watch it, you should skip the next paragraph.
Prior to yesterday, I had only seen the first season. I was bragging to Dave about how I successfully avoided spoilers last year when everyone was talking about the finale, and then he was all, “But you know that he dies, right?”
On a happier note, I ordered this sweater from LOFT during their Presidents’ Day sale, and it is awesome (and also currently 40% off!):
That is the cat’s stuffed dog on the floor behind me, not a dead rat.
I also ordered this dress, but thanks to my dumb short waist it will need some alterations before I post a picture.
How was your weekend?
I am in such a weird funk right now, you guys. I keep sitting down to blog, and then … nothing. I think it’s because the weather is so beautiful right now that all I want to do is run around outside without my coat on and pretend it’s not going to go back to being cold in a day or two. Seriously, this is what the inside of my head looks like right now:
I’m pretty sure this is what the MRI results at our local hospital look like. Much benign!
It was 65 degrees outside on Sunday, so decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood … between the fresh air and mountain views I started to feel pretty smug about living in the country. And then I walked by a guy skinning a small, furry animal on his front porch. Good one, universe.
The view from our deck on Sunday. Not pictured: Two guys drinking beer on their tailgate in the field behind our house.
The rain and cold is supposed to roll back in tomorrow. I’m really hoping my motivation reappears along with it.
For a four-day workweek, it sure seemed to take forever to get to Friday. If I was the kind of person who danced in public, I totally would be right now.
In lieu of dancing, here are five things that made the week drag a little less:
1. Getting a Valentine in the mail from my nephew:
2. With a Harry Potter stamp featuring some stellar smell-the-fart-acting from Ron:
3. My weekend forecast looks like this (sorry, every other state besides California):
4. Dave joined an indoor soccer league, and I get to see him play tonight (he’s a goalie, and he’s really good). Hopefully watching his games will increase my knowledge of soccer, since right now it’s limited to things I learned while watching “Ladybugs” over and over in 5th grade because I had a crush on Jonathan Brandis.
Example: It’s totally healthy to let your step dad dress you in drag as long as he has a really good reason, like wanting to win a few U-14 soccer games to impress his boss.
5. I discovered a delicious new vodka on Wednesday night: Effen Dutch Raspberry.
I mixed it with Coke Zero (it tasted just like a Cherry Vanilla Coke but with the added bonus of BOOZE), and Dave mixed it with juice. So good.
Have a great weekend! I’ll be over here, enjoying my vodka in the 60-degree weather.
So I mentioned a few weeks ago on Instagram that I’m trying to get back into half marathon shape, and things were going pretty well until I broke my toe last week. Since running wasn’t happening, I decided to do an arm/back workout one day. It did not go well.
I tend to ignore my upper body when I’m training for a race. I’m already running at least three times a week and doing lower body strength training, so adding one more gym session would cut into the “sit on the couch and watch bad TV” time that I cherish so hard. I think that’s about to change, though — yesterday I saw a picture of myself from a recent work event, and I was rocking some serious ham hock arms. I wont post the picture here because PRIDE, I HAVE IT, but here is a close approximation:
Not pictured: The plate of bacon-wrapped water chestnuts I was hoovering in said photo. #muchprofeshunal
However, until the Olympics conclude this weekend my arm workouts will consist of fist pumping every time Crazy Mary appears on screen and praying to Jesus that I miraculously wake up the next day to world peace and figure skater arms. And speaking of Crazy Mary and figure skaters, I am SO EXCITED about this.
(Also, if you have suggestions for arm workouts besides “immaculate bicep conception,” feel free to leave them in the comments.)
In keeping with my current life theme of “EVERYTHING IS BROKEN,” I’m pretty sure I broke one of my toes last week. I didn’t mention it here because I was already doing so much whining about our stove breaking. Also I figured if I wrote about it people might ask how it happened, and then I would have to admit that I drank too many Skinny Girl margaritas and then ran full-speed into the coffee table while sprinting to the kitchen to make a hot dog during an Olympics commercial break.
So yeah, my toe swelled up and turned all sorts of fun shades and it hurt pretty bad just to walk all week, which meant that running was out of the question. Then on top of not running all week, I ate a ton of microwave food and take out on account of OUR STOVE. IT WAS BROKEN, HAVE YOU HEARD? And then even though my toe felt better by Saturday, I spent all weekend like this because Desperate Housewives wasn’t going to binge watch itself:
I had yesterday off work and figured it was finally time to get my ass back in gear. I laced up my running shoes and was fully prepared to feel like crap the entire time, but instead I felt great and beat my current 5K record by over a minute. Running is so weird.
Also, here is the latest installment in our broken stove saga: Our new range was delivered on Saturday, so I decided to finally bake the red velvet brownies I had planned to make for Valentine’s Day. When I went to open the oven door to check on them, the door handle was scalding hot. Like, I had to use an oven mitt to open the door. That didn’t seem normal, so I called the Sears manager yesterday who confirmed that no, our oven door handle should not be giving us second degree burns. Now we’re waiting on a call from the service department.
I foresee more hot dogs in our future.
1. We bought a shiny new stove!
It’s being delivered tomorrow. They didn’t even give us a time frame — they just said they’ll call when they’re on the stop before to let us know they’re coming. At first I was annoyed, but now I see it for what it is: A perfect excuse to do absolutely nothing tomorrow.
2. My new shirt:
I ordered this shirt from J. Crew Factory last week, and I love it. I have a stupidly short waist, and I like that the longer length hides the fact that I have the torso of a three-year-old. Also, HOT PINK.
3. My Valentine’s Day nails:
This was my project while boring speed skating was on the other night.
4. I get to eat Indian food tonight:
That up there is the garlic naan and chicken korma, my favorite things on the menu. Besides the biryani. And butter chicken. And lamb vindaloo. Basically I have to hold myself back from ordering one of everything and I usually come dangerously close to re-creating the fat man scene from that Monty Python movie. (I hate Monty Phyton so hard, and that is literally the only scene I remember from any of the movies.)
5. Monday is President’s Day, which means THREE DAY WEEKEND. This is how I feel right now: