I’m baaack!

I haven’t blogged in over three months, and now that I’m attempting to start back up, I feel like I owe you guys a bit of an explanation for my absence. And also some gifs.

In March I got the opportunity to write over here, and I figured it’d be a great way to start a travel/home improvement fund outside of my regular monthly savings. Around that same time, a good internet friend whom I met through my blog back in 2006 contacted me about joining her company that’s about to release a really beautiful smart bracelet. And I was like, I HAVE TO BE A PART OF THIS. (Also, please “Like” our page – we’re about to make some exciting announcements!) On top of that I was also working full-time in software marketing. People would periodically ask me why I’d suddenly stopped blogging, and I’d politely explain to them that I was just really short on time and something had to give.

J/K, I was all:


But! Things are changing. I recently left my full-time job and scored a really great position that I think is a much better fit for me, and will also allow me to have a more flexible work schedule. I won’t give too many details because PRIVACY, but it’s super great and I’ll be leading a team that’s working to make a difference in the lives of families and youth in our community. I have a whole month before I come on board full time, and I plan to spend it taking care of the long list of home improvement projects that I’ve ignored for the last six months. I also plan to do a little of this:

tumblr_inline_mmn4nrZePS1qfelxuMy comeback just happens to coincide with NaBloPoMo, so clearly I’m going to have to participate again this year. Assuming I’m not too busy napping on the couch under a pile of leftover fun-size Halloween candy wrappers, that is.

What I’m Eating

I’m doing something a little bit different today, and sharing a day of eating with you guys. I have this weird obsession with food blogs where people just document what they eat every day. And if you’re thinking that that sounds boring as shit, you’re right, but it does help me come up with new meal ideas. Also, I’m just kind of a creeper in general and like to see the inner workings of people’s lives. For example, I like to go for walks when it’s starting to get dark so I can look inside people’s windows and see how they’ve decorated. It’s pretty fun, except for when they happen to walk past the window and see me standing there all:


Anyway, I recently noticed that my pants are fitting just a liiittle bit tighter, probably because of my birthday earlier this month and going on vacation the week after that, and generally just existing off of cake, home brewed beer, and the occasional salad. When that happens I try not to freak out, and just be a little better about counting calories (I use MyFitnessPal) for a few weeks until taking my skinny jeans off doesn’t look like this:


I haven’t been running much lately, so I’ve been trying to keep my carbs at around 30% of my daily total calories. Not because I think carbs are bad, but because I don’t need as many when I’m not running long distances four days a week.

So here’s what yesterday looked like for me. I generally net around 1,400 calories per day (I eat back any calories from exercise, meaning that most days I’m actually eating 1,500-1,800 depending on what I do at the gym):



Right now, my favorite breakfast is two fried eggs. It’s fast, easy, and unlike cereal/oatmeal, it keeps me full until lunch. I also can’t function without my morning cup of coffee, into which I measure a tablespoon of Hazelnut creamer because there are some things I will never ever give up even though they’re full of hydrogenated oil and chemicals that will probably give me cancer.


Chickpea burger wrap

For lunch I had a Morningstar Mediterranean Chickpea Burger lettuce wrap with 1/2 an avocado and a little bit of salsa, plus cottage cheese + tomatoes on the side. I eat a chickpea or black bean burger pretty much every day for lunch, either in a wrap, on a bed of greens, or inside a sandwich thin. Except on Wednesdays, when Dave and I walk to the deli up the street and I eat a turkey sandwich on a French roll as big as my head.


Yesterday it was a bunch of smoked almonds, which I did not photograph because I would have had to momentarily stop shoveling them into my mouth. Peach season is in full swing, so I’ve been getting them from the farmers’ market and having those for snacks as well. I also eat light Babybels like my life depends on it.



This is one of my favorite dinners ever – Barbecue Chicken Quinoa Bowls. Just cook up a batch of quinoa and top with grilled chicken, avocado, cilantro, black beans, veggies (last night I used onion, orange bell pepper, and halved grape tomatoes), and a little bit of barbecue sauce. Crushed tortillas/cheese are also awesome on top. I like to season my quinoa with cumin and a little bit of garlic salt before throwing on the toppings.



Skinny Cow Chocolate Mousse Ganache Cones are my everything, and I’ve started eating one pretty much any night when I have enough calories left over after dinner. Are they healthy? Uh, no. But they do contain about half the calories of a Nestle Drumstick and taste every bit as delicious, so there’s that. I’ve tried really hard to cut artificial sweeteners from my diet, but these cones and my morning creamer are probably going to stick around. Moderation, right?

What I’m working on:

- Limiting drinking to two nights per week. It’s just so hard when I know there’s delicious home brew in the fridge. Also, I’m super introverted/have serious social anxiety, so whenever I’m at an event and there’s booze it’s hard to say no to at least one drink to calm my paralyzing fear of awkward small talk.


So that’s it … do you ever read “what-I-ate” style blogs? Please tell me I’m not the only one who likes to read this shit occasionally.


Back From The Beach


After doing pretty much nothing but this for three days straight, it kind of sucks to come home to temperatures over 100 degrees and the realization that I gave up any hope of being rich enough to own beachfront property back when I decided to major in journalism. Note to any journalism/English/communications students who may be reading this: RUN, DON’T WALK TO THE SCHOOL OF BUSINESS AND CHANGE MAJORS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

Anyway, here are a few more pics from the beach:

07.15.14 Rocks

Whale watching. Everybody saw them but us. Standard.

Me and Dave

After he shaved 10 years off my life by showing me his “American Ninja Warrior” skills, AKA leaping from rock to rock right next to the edge of the roaring ocean.


I love fog. Why do I not live here.

I’m off work until Thursday, so the last few days have consisted of Netflix, pajamas, and processed foods. I did manage to get to the gym yesterday, but I forgot that hot weather aggravates my heart condition, and after about 30 minutes into this elliptical workout I felt like I was going to die. I think until the weather cools off I’m going to keep my cardio a bit lighter.

Homer treadmill

Source   This looks about right.

And since I’m almost Netflixed out and boycotting the gym, I’m thisclose to buying a plastic kiddie pool and spending the rest of my vacation sitting in a foot of water in the back yard. If you know me in real life, feel free to come over and join me. Bring RazberRitas.

Hello From The Other Side

After that last totally depressing post, I figured I should probably check in and let you know that I survived turning 30. And it actually didn’t suck.

Probably because I did a lot of this.

Perhaps because I did a lot of this.

On the morning of my birthday Dave made me breakfast in bed, which I ate while watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. If that doesn’t say, “I’m ready to be a responsible adult,” then WHAT DOES?


That’s a maple sausage/egg/cheese/potato breakfast burrito. Wrapped in an Ancient Grains tortilla because HEALTH.

He also surprised me with the best gift ever – he blew up two photos he took of a butterfly on a flower on our front lawn and had them printed on canvas:


They’re still sitting on these bookcases, almost a week later. I was going to hang them in the hallway, but I accidentally watched three seasons of “Disappeared” on Netflix instead.

I got a lot of other neat stuff, too. My parents bought me this watch, which I love so much that I’m posting a picture of my veiny hand to show it to you:


How do fashion bloggers take close-ups of their hands without them looking like alien claws? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS.

Dave’s cousin got me adult onset diabetes 30 Milky Way Midnights, which was hilarious and also the reason that you will find a surprise candy bar in your purse when you get home if you visit my house in the next year.

All that to say: My birthday was super fun, and I’m done freaking out about my 30s. For now.

We leave for a trip to the Southern Oregon coast tomorrow morning, which I’m really excited about because it’s been over 100 degrees every day for the past week here. I plan to do nothing but eat, drink, and marvel at the fact I don’t have sweat dripping down my back and into my underwear. It’s going to be great.

Paranoid Ramblings of a Soon-To-Be 30 Year Old

I turn 30 in two weeks. And no, that is not an attempt to garner a bunch of Happy Birthday wishes (I really hate when people do that). You just need to know that I’m about to turn 30 for the rest of this post to make sense. As much as the ramblings of a hypochondriac with a well-documented history of anxiety can make sense.

I was doing OK with the turning-30 thing until I was applying fake tan a few weeks ago and noticed some weird lines on my calf. At first I thought it was a faint bruise, but upon further inspection it appears that I now have the beginnings of spider veins on one of my calves. SPIDER VEINS. AT 29 YEARS OLD. I was under the impression that I had AT LEAST another 20 years before having to worry about this shit. At this point, I may as well start entering rooms thusly:


Source I’M 30 YEARS OLD!

After the Fake Tan Incident, I spent about 20 minutes scrutinizing every inch of my body for more of them (of course there are more of them). I then Googled “how to prevent spider veins,” which on a scale of “1” to “Dumbest Idea Ever” is a solid “Let’s Make Another Transformers Movie.”


Source Obligatory Michael Bay Is A Douche gif

Here are some of the really helpful things I learned from what may be the most depressing Google search in my history of Google searches, and this is coming from a person who once Googled, “Meat pieces are clogging nozzle on Bacon and Cheddar Easy Cheese”:

- Don’t stand too much.

- But also, don’t sit too much.

- Don’t be overweight.

- Exercise regularly.

- But even if you aren’t overweight and do exercise regularly, you’re probably still fucked because it’s mostly hereditary.

- Don’t cross your legs.

- Get up and take a walk every 10 minutes.

So yesterday I’m explaining to my coworkers about how from now on I’ll be spending 80 minutes of my workday taking walk breaks because I might be getting The Spider Veins, and they decide it’s a good idea to tell me about somebody they know who went through menopause at 32 because “she doesn’t have kids and it starts earlier when you don’t have kids.”


Me at work yesterday, minus Sophia’s youthful skin.

Anyway, I know it’s dumb to stress about something totally out of your control, especially when that something really has no bearing on your health or how you live your life. (And, if I’m being honest, you can’t even really see my dumb veins unless your eyes are right up on my calf.) Instead of inspecting my legs every day to see if they’re getting worse, I’m making an effort to dial back the crazy, be thankful for the fact that I can lift weights and run half marathons on my spinster legs, and enjoy the shit out of my 30s.

I may also look into Zoloft.

High Five for Friday


1. Eating lunch outside during that glorious one-month period of the year where it’s in between “pleasantly warm” and “I can actually feel my eyeballs sweating.”

Fried in maple sausage grease. Because duh.

Fried in maple sausage grease. Because duh.

2. My friend is hooking me up with fresh eggs from her chickens and they are SO GOOD. We’d like to get some hens eventually (we can have up to five within city limits), but we need to figure out our backyard plans first.

Bread Pudding

3. This bread pudding from Porter’s. I had them package half of it up to take home with me, and then I ate it out of the box the second we got home. #suchrestraint #muchclass

Spaghetti squash

4.  I didn’t feel like making dinner one night, so I heated up some leftover spaghetti squash and topped it with avocado basil sauce. Just combine a large avocado with 1-2 garlic cloves, 1 tablespoon olive oil, 4-5 fresh basil leaves, and a pinch of salt in a food processor and blend until smooth.

Via Instagram

Via Instagram

5. Dave and I went wine tasting in Southern Oregon with a group of acquaintances last weekend. A few thoughts: 1) Turns out, I really like Bordeaux-style wines. 2) Southern Oregon is so pretty, and we should all live there. 3) Pretentious people are really fun to watch, and I WILL mock you on my blog, should you decide to brag about your palate being able to discern what kind of soil the grapes were grown in.

What were your highs this week?

How To Clean Dark Floors

Clean Dark Floors

I get lots of questions, both in comments and emails, about whether we like our dark floors and how we keep them clean. I figured since so many people are curious, I’d go ahead and just write a post about it.

First of all, know that I hate cleaning. Hate. It. But I also hate having a messy house. And since dark floors show more dirt, for the first few months after we moved in I was CONSTANTLY sweeping and Swiffering and kind of wishing we had just covered all the floors in dirt-colored carpet. Related: If you are one of those people who walk over doormats without wiping your feet, I silently hate you.

Source   If you've ever walked into my house without wiping your feet.

Source    Every time somebody tracks mud into the house.

So here’s the skinny: Our flooring is Allen + Roth Burnished Cafe Maple. So far, it’s been very scratch-resistant, although we are always super careful when moving furniture, etc. I love, love, love the color, and feel like it really made the house look a lot nicer/bigger. Here are a few shots from right after we installed the floors before moving in last summer:

08-21-13-hallway-before-and-after 08-21-13-living-room-before-and-after

And here’s the living room as of yesterday afternoon.

Burnished Cafe Maple FloorsAfter moving in, it became clear that sweeping + Swiffering wasn’t going to cut it. Our cat leaves a ton of hair everywhere, and when sweeping it into the dustpan about half of it floats back out and lands back on the clean floors. It wasn’t that noticeable until we’d Swiffer, and wind up with a bunch of sticky little cat hair clumps. Meanwhile, the cat would be on the couch, like:

Junk Food Cat

Clean my filth, bitchez.

Basically, every time we cleaned the floors we felt like the idiots at the beginning of infomercials who can’t pour a glass of milk without burning their house down.

Source   There's got to be a better way!

Source    There’s got to be a better way!

You guys, there is totally a better way. And it only involves two steps. You’ll need The Shark Rocket and The Swiffer Wet Jet.

Step 1: Go over the floors using the Shark’s Dust-Away attachment and included pad. This will replace sweeping – it sucks up every last bit of dust/hair, and it takes only a fraction of the time since you don’t need to stop and empty the dirt into a dustpan. Once you’re done, just empty the dust trap into the trash and throw the re-usable pad into the washing machine. (It also comes with a vacuum attachment that works great on carpet!)

Step 2: Now that all the dust/hair/debris is gone, use the Swiffer Wet Jet to add polish and shine and to get rid of any stubborn dirt or footprints.

THAT’S IT. It takes me about 15 minutes to do our whole house (our house is small, but still). I normally do both steps on the weekend, and then mid-week I’ll just run the Shark over high-traffic areas, such as the kitchen and living room. I used to spend about half an hour 2-3 times a week trying to keep our floors clean, and this takes like a third of the time and lasts so much longer. Which means I have more time to do what I really love in life.

Do you have any favorite floor cleaning products? Let me know in the comments!