I just saved over $200!

I’m about to devote an entire post to nude wedges. If you don’t like shoes, you may want to stop here and use the five minutes you were going to spend reading my blog to examine your life choices because shoes are awesome and you should be excited about them.

(To be fair I should probably examine my life choices as well, on account of I don’t contribute to any sort of retirement fund but I don’t think twice about dropping a huge chunk of discretionary income on shoes every month.)

giphy

Source    Somewhere, Dave Ramsey’s head is exploding.

Out of all my shoes, the ones I reach for the most are basic, nude wedges. They go with everything, they make my legs look longer, and wedges are so comfortable and easy to walk in. I wear them so often that I typically go through like a pair a year, so I recently decided to purchase some “investment wedges” to last me a little longer. That’s when I found these:

I love them. Only at $295, they were a tiny bit more of an investment than I was planning to make. After some waffling, I decided to search around for a more affordable option, which is when I found these:

I don’t love them as much as the DVFs, but I do really like these. Plus, I saved myself like $200. Suck on that, Dave Ramsey!

Source

Source   Dave will not.

Pear Blossom Race Recap

Pear Blossom

Via Instagram The face of somebody about to relief-eat her way through all the cheese.

Good news! My allergies didn’t kill me! Let’s start off with a quick by-the-numbers review before getting into the actual recap:

- Miles covered: 10
- McDonald’s bathrooms destroyed due to pre-race nerves and an ill-advised decision to eat jalapeno mac and cheese the night before: 1
- Same question, except port-a-potties: 2
- Level of rage on a scale of 1-10 when I realized they weren’t handing out medals at the finish: Voldemort.

Deathly_Hallows_-_Voldemort_Protego

Source   ACCIO MY MEDAL, BITCHES.

Seriously though, I really enjoyed this race. Mostly because it contained only one hill, at the top of which sat a DJ blasting “Hot Blooded” on repeat. Because a good song to inspire a pack of sweaty runners who have just crested a giant hill is one that mentions having a fever of 103.

Anyway, the recap. First of all, you should know that I subscribe to the “slow but steady” philosophy when I run long distances. Part of it is due to my heart condition that causes tachycardia (and my addiction to fried foods covered in cheeses might play a role as well), but I have a really hard time sustaining a decent pace for more than three miles, no matter how many sprint drills I do. I finally decided to stop berating myself over the fact that I’m not fast and just let myself enjoy running. And the pre- and post-run fueling it allows me to engage in. Because what IS running, if not an excuse to eat more?

Understand+the+importance+of+exercise

Source   Whatever.

I was averaging a 10:30 pace when I was actually running. However, factoring in short walk breaks, taking pictures of the scenery, digging pebbles out of my shoes, and a visit to the medical tent to inquire about a Band-Aid for a blister, it took me around two hours to finish. See? Not fast. But I felt strong and had zero IT band pain, which tells me I’ve at least gotten stronger since my half marathon last year, when I kind of just wanted to ask the medics to amputate my left leg above the knee.

I also loved that it was an out-and-back course, not only because it didn’t require shuttles, but because I love seeing the leader pass me going the other way. I always get all emotional when I see that person running faster than I’ll ever be able to, and for a few seconds it makes me want to hire a running coach and start eating a raw food diet and get all serious about it. And then I remember how much I like Taco Bell and I’m like nah, I’m good with my mediocre abilities and Nacho Cheese Chalupa addiction.

Christian Bale Taco Gif

I don’t know. It seemed appropriate.

The absolute best part about this race, though, was the crowd support. Entire classrooms of kids lined up outside a local elementary school to hand out water, offer high fives, and spray sweaty runners with a garden hose. Residents along the entire course were out in their driveways cheering us on, and at one point there was even a senior citizen bluegrass band jamming away and handing out water. How awesome is that? I figured the finish line area would be pretty empty since the leaders had finished like 45 minutes before I even got there, but when I rounded the corner for the final stretch, the crowd was almost as full and loud as it was when we started. I totally had a Chariots of Fire moment for that last 200 meters, as much as you can have a Chariots of Fire moment while Lil Wayne is all up in your ear buds threatening to pick the world up and drop it on your f!$#ing head.

I texted Dave after I finished to let him know that he didn’t need to come ID my body at the morgue, and when I got home a little bit later I found this on the dining room table:

Table

You guys, he bought polka dot ribbon to tie the candy bars together and the balloon to the mojito bottle. He is the best.

And then I spent the rest of the day watching Netflix. The end.

 

 

High Five for Friday

I logged in last night to write this post and was shocked when I saw that my last update was on Monday. I totally thought I had blogged more than that this week. Turns out, I suck. Also, that should give you some idea of what it feels like inside my brain right now. I’m just hoping today goes by quickly and that I don’t have to interact with anyone in any way. So … basically like every other day of my life.

Lucille gif

Me, whenever my phone rings.

And now for my Friday High Five:

1. It finally warmed up this week, and one night I decided to catch up on some freelance work outside on the deck while Dave smoked cigars. It was super peaceful until our neighbor came outside with her kid and proceeded to scream profanities at it for the duration of the evening. In her defense, maybe her kid is actually named “little shit.” I don’t know her life.

Deck

2. My sister was visiting my parents this week, so I took Wednesday off work and drove down to meet my newest nephew, Theodore:

TheoOn all accounts he is very calm and hardly ever fusses, so it’s no surprise that he started crying shortly after I picked him up and continued on and off for the rest of the day. I also enjoyed spending some time with his big brother Josh, who is pictured below housing some delicious Target popcorn while waiting for his chocolate milk at Starbucks. He clearly takes after Aunt Heather:

Josh

3. In addition to shoveling popcorn down my gullet at Target, I also bought a table runner:

RunnerI’m weirdly excited about it, considering it’s … a piece of cloth draped across a table.

4. I also bought this skirt at Target. It’s a super soft material, which means that I’ve basically discovered a socially acceptable way of wearing sweats to work. It’s probably only a matter of time until I bring home a pair of Pajama Jeans.

Skirt

5. I’m running the 10-miler at Medford’s annual Pear Blossom event tomorrow, and I’m simultaneously excited and nervous. I’m nercited. My last three runs have been horrible, probably because everything is blossoming and I can’t breathe, so it stands to reason that running 10 miles through blooming pear orchards might actually make my lungs explode. I’ve even had a couple nightmares about it, and when I texted my friend Sarah about them yesterday she was super encouraging.

Sarah

If I don’t post at all next week, it’s probably because I’m lying helpless in a ditch somewhere along the course. And on that upbeat note, happy Friday!

Voodoo Doughnut Beer + FlipBelt Review

If you follow me on Instagram, then you may have seen that we tried a kind of unusual beer on Friday night:

Voodoo Doughnut BeerIt first caught my eye because PINK BOTTLE! but then when I realized it was a collaboration with Voodoo Doughnut, I knew I had to buy it. Verdict: It definitely smelled like a delicious doughnut, but it wasn’t over-the-top sweet – to me, it just tasted like a mild chocolate ale. I couldn’t detect the banana or peanut butter flavor at all, but that’s probably because my 29-year addiction to processed cheese products has ruined my palate.

On Sunday I figured I’d do some running to counteract my beer drinking, so I headed out to the trail around the lake to take my new FlipBelt for a spin. I’m going to share my thoughts with you, mostly so I can say that one of the over 300 posts on this blog has been useful. You’re welcome.

While a couple of things annoyed me, overall I am a huge fan. Let’s start with how it works: Basically, it’s a stretchy tube with several openings around it that allow you to slide items into the tube. You then flip the belt over so the openings are flush against your body, keeping all your items secure:

FlipBelt 1

Like this.

I took my phone, chapstick, house key, and energy chews, and it all fit easily. However - I would suggest sizing up if you would prefer the belt to sit on your hips as opposed to your waist. I had planned to wear mine down lower, but after about a half mile of having to tug it down every few steps, I just gave up and let it sit up around my natural waist where it wanted to be. It actually didn’t bug me as much as I thought it would, since it wasn’t too tight and didn’t bounce around at all, but if I had to go back I’d definitely size up.

I was also impressed that I was able to fit all that crap into the belt and it didn’t look like I had a massive spare tire under my shirt:

FlipBelt 2

Pro tip: Take blog pictures BEFORE your run to avoid pit stains.

Verdict?

Question of the day: What’s the weirdest beer you have tried? Aside from the Voodoo concoction up there, mine would probably be banana bread beer. (Which Dave and I both really liked. Maybe we both have messed up taste buds.)

High Five for Friday

1. It’s been cold and rainy for the last few weeks, and I’ve become addicted to buying bright flowers every time I go to the grocery store. If it can’t be spring outside my house, it can be spring inside my house, dammit.

Tulips

2. My FlipBelt arrived last night! I haven’t tested it out yet, but I plan to wear it on my long run on Sunday. I only have one pair of running bottoms with a zip pocket, and once I cram my chapstick, energy chews and house key inside of it, I wind up looking like I have a tumor on my lower back. I don’t even take my phone on runs with me, since it won’t fit. My phone, key, chews, and ID all fit inside the FlipBelt with room to spare, and it’s super comfy. I’ll report back with a full review next week!

FlipBelt

3. I’m really bad about putting off getting my hair done unless I’m making a drastic change. My hair grows pretty fast, and my split end/bangs situation tends to get really out of control, so I’ve been trying to be better about getting regular trims every six weeks or so. One of the other stylists came up to me as I was leaving on Wednesday and was all, “Did you know we do spray tans?” The sad thing is that I’ve been regularly applying tanning lotion for a couple weeks now. Damn you, Irish ancestors.

Hair

4. A couple weeks ago I asked you guys if you had any favorite at-home workouts, and a couple people recommended Fitness Blender. I tried the 30-minute Brutal Butt & Thigh Workout last night and totally loved it. I get really tired of the same old squats and lunges on most videos, but this one included a bunch of moves I hadn’t done before. The deadlifts with turned-out toes (pictured below) were particularly brutal.

Deadlift

5. I plan to devote a few solid hours to watching Breaking Bad this weekend. I had a mild panic attack earlier this week when I realized there are only 5 seasons, and we’re almost done with season 4. Our obsession with this show is not unlike that Portlandia BSG skit, and I know it’s going to be ugly when we finish the series.

Have a great weekend!

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Uggggh

I don’t know why I decided it would be a good idea to drink beer AND scotch on a random Tuesday night, but I did, and it turns out I’m getting old because HOLY GOD when I woke up this morning I thought I might actually die.

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Source    Kids are dumb.

In my defense, we had a friend over for dinner, and I didn’t want to be rude and, like, not drink all of the beer that she brought. Also working against me is the fact that we stayed up until midnight last night. Actually, everyone else stayed up until midnight while I slept on the couch like a slug, probably with my gullet wide open from the way my mouth felt when I jolted awake. Much sophistication. Such class.

The good news is that I rallied pretty quick after drinking some seriously strong coffee. Now I just have to drink a million glasses of water throughout the day so that I won’t die on my run tonight. Who has two thumbs and is totally regretting signing up for a damn 10-miler next week? THIS GIRL. Also, probably a lot of other people because that shit is hard.

Two days until Friday! Woo!

Semi-coherent ramblings about my weekend

Confession: I only ran once last week, which is pretty dumb since I have a 10-mile race coming up on April 12. However, I did finally buy a flip belt, so at least I’ll have my phone with me to call for help if my legs give out halfway through.

Speaking of buying things, I made the mistake of going to Target without a list on Saturday and wound up buying these, even though I already own a pair of black suede wedges. (But these have ankle straps!) And this jean jacket even though I already own a jean jacket. (But this one is a totally different shade!)

Somebody needs to take away my debit card.

I had planned on going for a run when I got back from Target, but then Dave and his dad showed up with two truckloads of oak so I helped them unload it instead. My arms. They hurt.

Wood pile

I plan to be sick the day he decides to chop all of this.

I’m glad we are set for firewood next winter, but I’m not super stoked about the fact that our backyard is seven dancing backwoods bachelors away from a hoedown.

Wood pile dancing

Photoshop Seven Brides for Seven Brothers hoedown scene onto a picture of our wood pile instead of cleaning the house? Check. Also, my apologies to Frank for cutting off his right foot.

If I submit these photos to HGTV do you think they will come help us?