Reasons I haven’t posted in a few weeks:

1. My laptop has taken to powering down randomly every time I’m about to save a blog post/send an important email/watch a video of a cat wearing a kilt play the bagpipes. Basically it works for about two hours per day and then lies in wait for the most opportune moment to fuck me over. My computer is K-Fed.

2. By the time I leave work for the day my brain capacity is hovering between “Kardashian” and “Anyone who watches ‘Bachelor Pad.'”

3. Vodka.

The good news is that a new career possibility is on the horizon, one where I won’t have to convince people I’m not part of a super secret conspiracy to get a municipal code passed to allow farm animals within city limits or get called Hitler for not running material that is simultaneously racist, bigoted, libelous and so mind-numblingly stupid that it makes that book by Snooki look like Proust. And more importantly, it won’t require every shred of my energy being channeled into resisting the urge to hide behind the dumpster and shotgun multiple King Cobras before 8 a.m. And if I don’t get the job, I guess I will have to start thinking of crafts that incorporate beer cans.

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