Water RULES!

A couple months ago we discovered this game called Plants vs. Zombies, and I swear it contains the secret to time travel. Every time we turn it on, 72 hours passes like five minutes and I crash back into time when I realize I have to get up and pee but can’t because there is a quicksand of potato chip crumbs and spilled coffee cementing me into the couch cushions. I refuse to believe I have lost entire days of my life because I actually gain satisfaction from blowing up zombies by planting exploding peppers and corn cannons. Which leaves just one option: WORMHOLE. Stephen Hawking – call me.

Even though I am kind of a wizard at keeping zombies from killing from my digital veggies, I have a huge problem with keeping plants alive IRL. My coworker recently went out of town for a few weeks and asked me to keep her desk plants alive while she was gone, and I was a basket case the entire time. My face broke out. My heart raced. I actually LOST HAIR over that shit. I had no idea how often to water them; all I knew was that every plant I’ve ever owned has gotten all withered and shriveled up, become LeAnn Rimes’ doppelganger, and died. I decided that watering twice a day would keep her plants from a similar fate. Guess what? Watering twice a day will definitely hydrate your desk plants. If by “hydrate” you mean “drown them Titanic-style.” By the time I realized the roots had pretty much disengaged and the plants were not so much planted as they were floating, it was too late.

ANYWAY my points are these: A) What are some plants I can buy that won’t die if I forget to water them for a period of time ranging from 1 day-forever, and B) EAT A SANDWICH, LEANN.


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5 thoughts on “Water RULES!

  1. Emily @ NewlyWife

    Snake plant/Mother-In-Law’s tongue. It’s really modern and cool looking. You water it about once a month or so, doesn’t need much light, etc. It’s the one plant (of 10+ I kid you not) that I haven’t killed. Oh wait, that’s not entirely true, I got this little plant from Ikea that has done well so far. I also hear ferns are chill and low-key.

    Reply
  2. Rebecca

    Or try a terrarium. I made a little terrarium with moss I found in my yard and it is going crazy. You water it maybe once a month (actually can’t remember the last time I watered it..) Its living much better than the other plant on my desk…

    Reply
  3. heatherhomefaker Post author

    Also, Rebecca – I just checked out your blog and felt compelled to tell you that I clogged when I was in junior high/high school. I’ve never met another clogger before and I got all excited 🙂

    Reply

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