In the primb of libe

All the experts say that cold weather does not cause colds, but it seems awfully suspicious to me that every time the temperature drops around October I immediately get a sore throat and, within a few days, have more junk in my throat than a Jersey Shore cast member on a Saturday night.

The theory is that when it’s cold you spend more time indoors, which means germs spread easier from person to person … or something. I’m not sure I believe that, because I feel like I spend the majority of my time indoors regardless of the season on account of I work in an office 8-10 hours a day. Is that weird? Do other people set up their workspaces outdoors for the warm months, only retreating indoors when it starts to get chilly? Are there, like, poolside office suites I am unaware of? Could I be getting my annual July pap smear in the middle of a tranquil meadow? I do not immediately sequester myself in a roomful of people and have them mouth-breathe on me the very minute the seasons change, is my point. Yet, the sore throat. Always, the sore throat.

My boyfriend is even sicker than I am, which is why I scoured the Internet yesterday for good chicken soup recipes. Only they all wanted me to do shit like boil a raw chicken carcass (gross) and roll my own egg noodles. I don’t do those things when I’m fully functional, much less when I feel like I just spent an hour gargling broken glass with Satan’s tears. I finally just decided to make up my own recipe and GUESS WHAT? It turned out pretty damn awesome. According to two people who currently can’t smell anything unless it’s jammed into their nasal cavity, anyway.

First I chopped up some onion, carrots, celery, jalapeño* and three cloves of garlic, and sautéed it all in a bit of olive oil. It looked like this:

Then I gagged my way through ripping the meat off of a rotisserie chicken like a caveman and dumped it in with the vegetables. I then added a 48-oz. box of chicken broth and about half a 24-oz. box of vegetable broth and an entire bag of rotini. After that, I proceeded to rummage around the spice cabinet and dump in the spices that haven’t yet globbed themselves into one giant clump inside the container – which turned out to be oregano, garlic salt and cumin. I let this all simmer together for, oh, about A MILLION HOURS because it turns out that I made enough soup for about 10 people. When the pasta was finally cooked we tried it out and it was magnificent. I forgot to take a shot of the finished product because we were watching an early season of “Law and Order: SVU” and I was really invested in learning about how if you send emails on the World Wide Web, you will get raped and possibly killed. Bonus tip from Elliot: Just because some guy’s screen name is The Yachtsman it does not mean he is a gentleman waiting to whisk you away to a life of maritime paradise. Well played, Detective Stabler. Well played.

What do you like to eat when you’re sick? I’m guessing at some point we’ll need a break from all this soup…

* The jalapeño was to clear out our sinuses … mission accomplished. It was also neat to feel like I could start a forest fire with my sneezes.

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