I’m the hooooliday armadillo!

Remember the glorious days not all that long ago when Justin Bieber’s voice was confined to assaulting the inside of his mom’s uterus and not our eardrums? I opened iTunes the other day to look for some good running music and was met with the invitation to purchase “Under the Mistletoe!” – the new musical turd Bieber has laid just in time for the holidays. Of course I had to hear for myself just how terrible it is, so I clicked on his version of everyone’s favorite dose of aural ipecac, “Little Drummer Boy” (featuring Busta Rhymes, because of course it does), and OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. The song sucks anyway, so it really is remarkable that he was able to make me hate it even more. I had to do some serious soul-searching to be able to even bring myself to Google the lyrics to this song, but I did and here are some of my favorite parts:

(Busta)
At the table with the family, havin dinner,
Blackberry on our hip and then it gave a little flicker.
Then I took a look to see before it activates the ringer; Came to realize my homie Bieber hit me on the Twitter.
Then I hit him back despite I had some food up on my finger.

*A billion pa rum pa pum pums and semi-intelligible Busta-gruntings*

(Justin)
It’s crazy how some people say, say they don’t care,
When there’s people on the street with no food; it’s not fair….
It’s about time for you to give to charity.

I love that he and Busta rap us a cozy little scene of them texting about the importance of charity on their smartphones while surrounded by so much food it is literally sticking to their fingers. “Hey Justin, maybe we should donate some of our billions of dollars to starving homeless people this Christmas!” “Naw dude, let’s just tell OTHER people they should be generous in a song that makes us millions more dollars!” “The homeless street people are going to LOVE us when they open iTunes on their laptops and hear this shit!”

Despite Justin’s best effort to ruin my iTunes experience, I ended up buying several songs that are excellent to run to, including Rihanna’s “We Found Love,” OK Go’s “You’re so damn hot” and “Get over it,” and “Man Up” by The Blue Van (holy shit is this song awesome). Do you have favorite workout songs? Please tell me what they are because I’m going to be spending a lot of time on the treadmill now that the White Fudge Oreos have hit the shelves for the winter.

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3 thoughts on “I’m the hooooliday armadillo!

  1. Ashley

    I just bought a metric ton of Billy Joel last night from iTunes. I blame it on Glee, but really that’s just an excuse. I just fucking love Billy Joel.

    Justin Bieber is kind of a little shit, but I’ve been fond of him ever since those genuinely hilarious Funny or Die videos he did last year. If you haven’t seen them, I highly recommend looking them up.

    Reply
  2. heatherhomefaker Post author

    “Sometimes I don’t feel like walking so I make enormous people carry me around.”

    Damn you, Ashley. There is now a tiny part of my soul that doesn’t hate Justin Bieber. Kind of like a horcrux.

    Reply

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