How to rock my vote

Election Day is upon us again … to be honest, today feels like every other Tuesday except everyone on Facebook seems to think I care about whether they voted.

Speaking of which … do any other countries hand out “I VOTED!” stickers at polling places, or are we the only nation that expects a reward for doing our civic duty (other than that dumb old feeling of fostering change)? Not that I’m complaining; I know I wouldn’t tolerate five minutes of standing upright in a booth for nothing. All I’m saying is that maybe if you made the process EASIER, America, you wouldn’t HAVE to reward us with sparkly stickers. I can think of several things that would make my 2016 voting experience less difficult:

* Male models feeding me Cinnabons while I fill out my ballot
* Free Hoveround™ ride from car door to voting booth
* Servant to fill in my ballot while I use my phone to tell Facebook “I VOTED!!!”
* One Doritos Locos taco per proposition I vote on
* Complimentary nude photo of Jon Hamm upon exiting polling place
* A poll location that does not smell like old ham and urine (that one I’m actually serious about)

I don’t think that’s too much to ask of a nation that spends money on a Presidential Turkey Pardon event each Thanksgiving.

And speaking of poultry, Operation Cook A Pheasant was a success. Look for the delicious (and easy!) recipe tomorrow.

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