We spent the last day of our vacation at the San Diego Zoo. I’m pretty sure Dave will never want to go to a zoo with me again because I will not shut up about my new dream of smuggling a red panda into our back yard where it can befriend the cat and snuggle with me on the couch while I watch Toddlers & Tiaras.
This is the photo I plan to show the authorities when they arrest me for harboring an endangered species. “But officer, he was literally REACHING OUT TO ME SO I WOULD TAKE HIM HOME!”
Later in the day, we waited 20 minutes for a family of six to take approximately 3,000 photos in front of a goddamn hippo. These people were like the live version of one of those “practical” math problems on the SAT where you have to figure out all the different combinations you can create out of six items. Mom and dad in front of the hippo! Mom, dad, and grandma in front of the hippo! Just the kids in front of the hippo! Kids, grandma, hippo!
He’s smiling because I just elbowed Ansel Adams and family out of his grill.
We faced a similar challenge over at the tiger habitat, only when I went to elbow people out of the way, I tripped and hit my head on a low-hanging part of the ceiling. I guess karma is a thing after all.
Either he’s coughing up a hairball, or somebody just showed him a picture of Snooki.
There were flamingos everywhere, which was fun.
We also saw this awesome bear, which was a little scary since there was NO BARRIER between him and us. There was a deep gorge-type thing, but that’s it. Which led to this conversation between me and Dave:
“This doesn’t seem safe. What if he teaches himself to jump?”
“Bears can run and climb, but not jump.”
“How do we know he’s not doing bear push ups at night and gaining the strength to leap the gorge and attack everybody?”
“You know people can hear you, right?”
I don’t care what Dave says, this bear totally just finished his WOD.
We also spent some time in the incarnation of my nightmares reptile house.
There was a HUGE line to see this next exhibit:
Much like the apes, we flung our feces at kids in strollers.
I simultaneously really like this next picture, and feel like a Sarah McLauchlan song should be playing softly in the background while a deep-voiced announcer asks me to donate to PETA.
In the aaaaarms of the angels fly awaaaaay from heeeere!
We really enjoyed our time at the zoo, even though I think it was unusually crowded since we were there on Father’s Day. We can’t wait to visit again!
I should note that Dave took all of these photos. I was too busy plotting Operation Steal a Red Panda to take pictures.