I Swear I Didn’t Intend for This Post to be About Homicide

Yesterday was a rest day for me, so instead of doing my usual run around the local reservoir, I decided to walk the loop instead.

I should probably apologize to all my Instagram followers for getting all Ranger Rick up in your feeds last night, but I’m usually too busy focusing on not passing out and dying to notice all the cool stuff there is on this trail. It took me 45 minutes to walk two miles because I stopped every 10 seconds to take a picture.

Like, look at this bee eating his dinner!

And a duck!

And this deer, who scared the shit out of me by jumping out of the trees right as I walked by!

And this is where I tell you to stop reading if you were expecting this to be a sweet little blog post about a nature walk, because shit’s about to get weird.

Right after I took that deer picture, I walked by a man sitting on a rock a ways off the trail. He looked nice enough, but when I walked by he stared right in my eyes for a good five seconds, wiped his lips, and then said, “Hi-i” in this super creepy singsongy voice. And then he giggled.

There are two things in life I’m really afraid of: Getting stuck listening to Nickelback while riding in somebody’s car, and grown men giggling. Just thinking about it now gives me goosebumps, and not the kind I get when I see a Chris Hemsworth movie.

Speaking of movies, if my years of watching Lifetime have taught me ANYTHING it is that all creepy men want to take you to a cabin in the woods and kill you, so I picked it up to a run at that point and got the hell out of there.

About a quarter mile down the trail I passed a couple who told me I should be careful because they saw a man hiding in the bushes.

AWESOME.

I was sitting on the couch later that night telling Dave about my brush with abduction (there was lots of eye rolling on his part), when I read on Facebook that a third body was found behind Walmart.

Oh, did I not mention that the police are investigating two homicides right now? And that they believe they are related? And that the bodies were found in wooded areas? And that they do not have any suspects in custody?

Looks like I’ll be sticking to the treadmill for a while.

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