I’m Totally Going to Prison

The other day I found a stack of our neighbor’s mail on our entry table — apparently we have been getting random pieces of her junk mail for the last few weeks, which I think is kind of strange because she told us she’s lived next door for 25 years and our mailman mentioned he’s had this route for the last 10. (Clearly I have some riveting small talk out in the driveway.) All I’m saying is that I think it’s fishy that our mailman has been delivering her mail to the same place for 10 years and suddenly all of her junk mail is showing up in our mailbox (and, conveniently, none of her “real” mail manages to make it over to us). I also think it’s weird that Dave had just been collecting it and was planning to return it to the mailman even though her mailbox is literally two inches away from ours.

I finally got sick of seeing the stack of crap, so last week I gathered it all up and told Dave I was going to put it in her mailbox. I didn’t even make it out the door because he started freaking out about how it’s a federal offense to open somebody else’s mailbox and that I could be arrested, and I was like, “Do you know how hard the judge is going to laugh when I show up in court charged with returning an 80-year-old woman’s complimentary AARP America the Beautiful calendar? ” And he was all, “I guess you’ll have to write me a letter about it FROM PRISON,” so we compromised and I just left it all in a heap on her doorstep. I’m sure she appreciated the giant tripping hazard on her porch much more than us invading her privacy by placing her unopened junk mail in her empty mailbox.

In other news, I bought some more fall-ish stuff for the house this weekend, including a bunch of these apple pumpkin scented candles, which smell SO GOOD and are also only $5. I was going to take some pictures of my fall-ified house but then I discovered that Netflix added season 9 of What Not to Wear so my Sunday looked pretty much like this:

What Not to Wear

Oh, we also finally bought a clock, which you can see up there above Stacy’s head. It didn’t come with batteries so it’s stuck on 10:07 but, you know, baby steps.


7 thoughts on “I’m Totally Going to Prison

  1. Karin from 8littlepaws

    Let me just say that if I bought a clock w/o batteries it would end up being 10:07 for probably something like a year or so before I got up off my butt and fixed it. Last night I *just* framed and hung pictures in my place that I bought over a year ago. Are there awards for procrastinators?

  2. Joy V.

    That is so funny about the mailbox – my husband would probably react the same way. He gets all flipped out if I try to throw something away in someone’s garbage can that is already out on the street for pickup – even something small! Sometimes you just have to do it on your own and not discuss! 🙂
    And what is that tiny door? Is that for wood storage?

    1. heatherhomefaker Post author

      Yes, it’s for wood storage! However, our wood stove is currently missing its door (yay, foreclosures!) so mostly it’s used as a hiding place whenever we have kids over.

  3. eat.shop.read.watch.repeat

    Have you been watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix? Prison seems like a welcome break from actual work, as long as you’ve got someone on the outside sending you a little spending money. It won’t be so terrible.

    1. heatherhomefaker Post author

      OH MY GOSH yes, we watched the entire season in two days and I’m obsessed. And you’re right, I could totally get used to spending my days doing laundry and scaring kids on school tours.


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