Why Couldn’t it be ‘Follow the Butterflies’?

So, the whole “putting up Christmas decorations” thing could have gone better. I had hoped to get it all done yesterday and post pictures today, but my plans unraveled when I opened my storage unit to get all my holiday boxes and found a dead wolf spider on top of the box marked “garland.”

You guys, I am terrified of spiders. Like, to the point where if I see one in my room and there’s nobody else home to kill it, I will close the door and sleep on the couch. I can’t even describe how much I hate them, so instead a made a little chart:

Terror Level

That is a cartoon black widow because I could not bring myself to Google pictures of actual spiders. Even still, it made my heart race and I still feel a little nauseated.

Anyway, when I saw the spider I flipped out and then stood outside the unit for a really long time while psyching myself up to go back in. On the one hand, a dead spider is a lot better than a live spider, but on the other hand, what if all the other spiders killed it and left the body there as a warning for intruders? Because spiders are evil and THEY WOULD TOTALLY DO THAT.

I wound up rummaging through my car for a weapon, and the best thing I could find was a clothes hanger, which I used to move the boxes around to shake off possible spiders without getting my hands near them. It worked pretty well until I got to the back of the unit, where I could see the final box of decorations but couldn’t get to it with my hanger. I realized I’d have to kick the box in order to move it, so I tucked my yoga pants into my socks (the thought of a spider crawling up my pant leg makes me want to throw up) and gave the box a little nudge. Three spiders took off running into the shadows, which is when I decided that Dave will either have to empty the thing for me or I will just pay for that unit until I die because my hands are not going near that thing ever again, with or without a hanger.

So yeah … the whole point of this story was to tell you that I’m going to the store tonight to buy replacements for the items that are trapped in Spider Box, so it might be a day or two until my decorating is done. My life is a joke.

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