Monthly Archives: March 2014

Semi-coherent ramblings about my weekend

Confession: I only ran once last week, which is pretty dumb since I have a 10-mile race coming up on April 12. However, I did finally buy a flip belt, so at least I’ll have my phone with me to call for help if my legs give out halfway through.

Speaking of buying things, I made the mistake of going to Target without a list on Saturday and wound up buying these, even though I already own a pair of black suede wedges. (But these have ankle straps!) And this jean jacket even though I already own a jean jacket. (But this one is a totally different shade!)

Somebody needs to take away my debit card.

I had planned on going for a run when I got back from Target, but then Dave and his dad showed up with two truckloads of oak so I helped them unload it instead. My arms. They hurt.

Wood pile

I plan to be sick the day he decides to chop all of this.

I’m glad we are set for firewood next winter, but I’m not super stoked about the fact that our backyard is seven dancing backwoods bachelors away from a hoedown.

Wood pile dancing

Photoshop Seven Brides for Seven Brothers hoedown scene onto a picture of our wood pile instead of cleaning the house? Check. Also, my apologies to Frank for cutting off his right foot.

If I submit these photos to HGTV do you think they will come help us?

 

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High Five for Friday

I’ve been trying to write a coherent intro to this post for like half an hour and it’s just not happening. Please accept this gif of a cat snuggling with a bunny instead:

This week’s high five:

1. Having friends who can subconsciously sense when I’m having a shitty day and send me funny texts.

Text

 

2. Clueless is on Netflix Instant, and I had forgotten how much I love this movie. It made me all nostalgic for the 90s and Los Angeles and pre-Judd Apatow Paul Rudd. Also, plaid.

Cher

Boy, that came out of nowhere!

3. We bought a Kona Brewing Company variety pack on Monday, and the mystery “seasonal” beer turned out to be Koko Brown. Dave hates it, but it’s one of my favorites. Toasted coconut? Good. Hints of toffee? Good. Drinking beer on a Monday night instead of Swiffering the floors like I had planned? Good.

4. There is green on our lawn! I’m 99% sure it’s weeds, but I’ll take it.

Lawn

Me: “Maybe we can just mow the weeds and it’ll look like grass!” Dave: “That is your worst idea yet.”

5. It’s my week off from long runs, which means I get to sleep in tomorrow. For me “sleeping in” = 8 a.m., but still. I’m excited.

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Pretending to Care

Today is one of those days where the only thing keeping me trudging is the promise of happy hour at the wine bar later.

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Source    Me, until 5:30.

And the only thing that will drag me out of the wine bar later tonight is the fact that there is a giant slab of Rumiano’s garlic jack at home in the fridge waiting for me to melt it onto any form of carbs I can get my grubby little cheese grabbers on.

cheesy blasters gif

Source    One of my favorite hangover meals is a hot dog wrapped in a tortilla filled with melted Velveeta. I call it “shame roll.”

And because I clearly do not have anything of value to write about today, I’m going to direct you to this awesome post making fun of this girl who decided to bandit a half marathon and document it with 20 selfies. I hate to give her traffic, especially since instead of apologizing she THANKED THE PEOPLE CALLING HER OUT FOR GIVING HER TRAFFIC, but his post is more hilarious if you know how ridiculous her post was. (Apologies if you already saw this on my Facebook page. If you didn’t, you should join my mom and grandma and Like my Facebook page.)

 

 

And Now the ‘Ghost Busters’ Theme Song is in My Head

I am a total pansy when it comes to scary movies, but for some reason I really like to watch “Ghost Hunters.” I also like to watch “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and any reality show ending in “-zillas” so take that for what it’s worth.

Anyway, last week I got the urge to watch some ghost stories, which sucks because Netflix only has “Ghost Hunters International” available for streaming, and I’ve already watched them all on account of GHOSTS IN EUROPE.

So Frawnch

Source   Sadly, none of them looked like this.

When I want to watch regular Ghost Hunters I have to add the DVDs to my queue and wait like two days for them to come in the mail like a goddamn peasant. The disc finally came last Friday, and when I popped it into the DVD player it worked for about 10 minutes and then started skipping. And here is the weird thing: This happens every time I try to watch a Ghost Hunters DVD. EVERY TIME. And it’s only Ghost Hunters that this happens with. Ergo, my DVD player is totally haunted. At this point all I can do is hope the spirit was killed because he uncovered an embezzlement plot and will lead me to a bank account filled with $4 million.

ghost-1990-08-g

Source  Fact: I have watched “Ghost” too many times.

(Just in case I was overreacting with the whole “my DVD player is haunted” theory, I contacted Netflix and told them the disc was damaged so they would send me a new one. I popped it in last night and it skipped so bad it wouldn’t even start playing. I put in an “Alias” disc right after and it played fine. QED.)

High Five for Friday

When I got up this morning my phone tried to trick me into thinking it was Thursday by not changing the date on my wallpaper screen. At first I was like, “Huh, maybe I just need to turn it off and back on,” and in the time it took to power back up I started to panic that maybe it WAS really Thursday and I’m going crazy and also I woke up in a good mood for NOTHING.

CRISIS AVERTED GUYS, IT’S REALLY FRIDAY.

Anyway, I had a pretty stellar week, thanks to the following things:

1. My brother-in-law Jason had an overnight trip in Medford, so I took part of the day off on Wednesday to hang out with him. We ate lunch at Luigi’s, which from the outside looks like a one-way ticket to dysentery, but in reality makes the best sandwiches in the world. Behold the Philly cheese steak:

Philly cheese steak

Note the thick layer of cheese on BOTH SIDES of the bread.

2. After lunch we visited a local water-powered grist mill, because Jason is the type of guy who comes into town armed with information about your local water-powered grist mill you didn’t even know existed. We were the only people there, so they offered to give us a tour and show us how they stone grind their flours. We even got to go down to the basement and see how the water from the river spins the turbines. It was super cool, and now I kind of want to re-evaluate my career path and look into being a mill worker. Fun fact: this place is actually the last water-powered grist mill commercially operating this side of the Mississippi.

Butte Creek Mill

3. After our tour we headed to the gift shop, where I bought a cookie mix made from the mill’s stone-ground whole wheat flour. It was a good decision.

Definitely the best peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies I've had this side of the Mississippi.

The best peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies this side of the Mississippi.

4. This week I got hired to write for a really cool blog (hopefully I’ll be able to share more details soon). So far I have resisted the urge to ask Dave to refer to me as “Freelancer” a la Sydney Bristow, but I only have so much willpower.

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Source
There is a disturbing lack of Alias gifs in existence. It almost makes me want to put down the Franzia and make some myself.

5. We are having friends over this weekend to take in one of the best/worst “horror” movies in existence: “Birdemic: Shock and Terror.” Here is some actual footage that was intended to strike actual fear into actual people with actual brains:

BIRDEMIC-2

Source
Very horror! Such CGI!

Have a good weekend!

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Give Yourself a Raise

Last week I was contacted by Raise.com, who wanted to know if I’d participate in their “Give Yourself a Raise” campaign. I hadn’t heard of Raise before that, so I did some investigating and turns out, it’s pretty cool.

Basically, Raise does two things: lets you sell unused gift cards for cash, and lets you purchase discounted gift cards to hundreds of stores, from Walmart and Target to Neiman Marcus and Barneys. You can click here to see exactly how it works, and then you can test it out by purchasing me a discounted Lowe’s card so I can install a damn backsplash in my kitchen. Just kidding. I will also accept cards to Liquor Barn.

So, back to the campaign: “Give Yourself a Raise” is all about the importance of rewarding yourself for all the hard work you put in every day. And you guys, I am all about rewarding myself.

Maybe this makes me sound shallow, but I don’t usually wait for a good excuse to reward myself. Here is how my reward system currently works: Made it through the week without punching anyone in the throat? I deserve some new shoes. Did 10 minutes of housework? Time for a five-hour Breaking Bad marathon. Got up early on Saturday for a long run? I’m eating a meal involving at least four cheeses when I get home.

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How I greet Dave after a run.

Now I want to hear how you “give yourself a raise.” Do you reward yourself for the small things in life, or do you wait for a momentous occasion?

Weekend Trip Photos

My brain is still trying to figure out where the weekend went, so instead of trying to write something that doesn’t suck, I’m just going to show you pictures from our weekend in Southern Oregon.

Statue

Of course I’m going to lead with a picture in which we’re acting like total dumbasses.

This majestic statue graces the entrance to the Seven Feathers Casino in Canyonville, and obviously we had to re-enact it for a picture. I’d like to be able to blame this idea on booze, but the unfortunate truth is that we are just as goobery sober as we are when we’re drinking.

The casino has a pretty nice hotel attached to it, which of course was booked solid the night we were there. In fact, the only hotel with vacancies was the “Leisure Inn,” which was … exactly what you’d expect for $59.95/night. They did have some pretty fancy monogrammed towels, though:

03.17.14 Towel

I can’t BELIEVE I wasted money at Pottery Barn when a Sharpie clearly looks just as good.

There were cool leopard print chairs in the lobby though, which you can sort of see through the window in this shot of me waiting for the free shuttle to the casino:

03.17.14 Bench

Obviously this was taken pre-gambling, on account of I’m still smiling and you can’t smell the cigarette smoke on my clothes through your computer screen. When it comes to gambling I don’t like anything that requires actual skill, so I pretty much just sit at the slots and try not to spill my drink. I was doing pretty well on the Willy Wonka machine — at one point I got a bonus spin for a chance to win $5,000, which was cool, but I didn’t win it, which was not cool.

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The snozberries taste like cigarette smoke and tears!

I blew through my self-imposed $30 limit in about 15 minutes and spent the rest of the afternoon drinking in the bar with Dave while waiting for our comedy show to start. We thought up some really good ideas, including the “Catsino,” a cat-friendly casino for old people. If this seems like a dumb idea to you, go drink three beers and then think about it again.

We had a lot of fun, only now my brain feels like mush. For example: St. Patrick’s Day is one of my favorite days ever, and I actually forgot about it until I saw the green Google logo this morning.

Unfortunately, the thought of drinking and/or doing anything other than lying on the couch sounds pretty unappetizing. I think this year we’re going to have to settle for “The Boondock Saints” and frozen shepherd’s pie.

What are your St. Patrick’s Day plans?