Monthly Archives: April 2014

Don’t Be So Dramatic

I had a busier-than-normal weekend (due in part to baking the world’s most labor intensive carrot cake and spending Easter down at my parents’ house) and wound up not having time to do my usual weekend cleaning, grocery shopping, prepping-for-the-week-ahead stuff. I hate starting a week already feeling behind. Every menial task becomes an insurmountable obstacle because not only do I have to attend to that specific thing, I have to do it while knowing that my floors are covered in cat hair and we have no groceries and all my sports bras are dirty because I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO DO LAUNDRY. WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.

It’s not helping that I’ve felt like I’ve been coming down with something for the last week or so. I have zero energy, my glands are swollen, and I have a sore throat that comes and goes, but I never actually get sick. Which, to me, is almost worse than actually being sick, because at least then you can call off work and spend the day Netflixing serial killer documentaries in your pajamas. (Just me? Cool.) Dave said he’s been feeling the same way, so I figure it’s probably a weird bug that’s going around. I also figure that I can probably cure it by drinking rum, because alcohol is a disinfectant.

The good news is that today I actually have a tiny bit more energy (and a clean sports bra), which means that I may actually make it to the gym. I really need this to happen, as there is currently a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs burning a hole in my desk drawer, and like two pounds of See’s waiting for me at home. Not to mention the leftover softball-sized hot cross buns I’ve been eating for breakfast.


And so have my LDLs. Thanks, Easter.

(Editor’s Note: I wrote this post on my lunch break yesterday. I had every intention of going to the gym, until a friend stopped by my office late that afternoon and convinced me to go out for a Jack and Coke instead. And then I stopped into Rite Aid on my way home to buy stuff for rum and coke, and ran into Dave, who was buying stuff for rum and coke. We are the worst.)

I’ll wrap this up with some home improvement news: This weekend, we’re planning to do a bit of landscaping to try and change the fact that our front lawn is the ugliest on the block. I also just called Lowe’s to get a quote on backsplash installation for our kitchen, since we are still rocking exposed drywall where we had to rip the previous single-row tile backsplash out. (If you’re new, you can read that fun story here.)

I keep going back and forth on whether the backsplash is something we can DIY. Neither of us have ever laid tile, so right now we’re leaning toward just throwing money at somebody to make sure it’s done right, but that may change once they tell me how much it will cost. Also, I need to stop looking at tile options; I keep adding more and more to the list of potentials. So far, here are my top three picks:


As a refresher, here is what our kitchen currently looks like (I would also like to paint the cabinets either white or super dark, depending on which backsplash we choose):

Kitchen 1

Confession: Knowing I would be taking this picture in the morning is the only reason I did the dishes last night.

Kitchen 2

A good blogger would have removed the Round Table coupons from the side of the refrigerator before taking a picture.

Right now I’m leaning toward tile option 2 with white cabinets, kind of like this:

White and gray kitchen

Source   Except, you know, minus the chandelier and countertops that probably cost more than our home.


Liebster Award!

So I got word on Sunday that Shauna over at Momma Candy nominated me for a Liebster, which is like a totally major blogging award.


Source   OK it’s not MAJOR. It’s like, in between “Leg Lamp” and “Winning $10 on a Scratcher” on the Bullshit Award Spectrum I Just Made Up.

You probably should go check out Shauna’s blog right now, because she’s really funny and she likes all the good (read: trashy) TV shows that I do. Sometimes she posts delicious recipes, and sometimes it seems like she steals words right out of my brain, like this awesome post she wrote about the “Ban Bossy” campaign. (I was going to write my own post about it, but instead I watched 10 hours of “Breaking Bad.” Apparently they should have banned the word “lazy” when I was a kid.)

And now I’m going to stop writing the LONGEST INTRO EVER and tell you how the Liebster Award works.

Liebster Badge

The Rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog.

3. Answer 11 questions about yourself, which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.

5. Nominate 5-11 blogs to receive the award.

6. Create a new list of questions for the bloggers to answer.

7. List the rules in your post.

8. Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link to your post so they can learn about it if they haven’t heard of it.


Anyway. Here are my answers to the 11 questions from Shauna:

1. What makes you laugh?

Dave makes me laugh every day. There is this scene from one of the early seasons of The Office where Michael doesn’t want to talk to Darrel so he just mouths words and pretends like he’s talking, and he tilts his head back and flares his nostrils and just BELIEVE ME it’s funny. So now when one of us doesn’t care about what the other person is talking about we make that face and I realize that this sounds SO DUMB but it cracks me up every time. Unfortunately I’ve found myself starting to do it in meetings, which is not as funny.

2. Are you passive or aggressive? Or passive aggressive?

I’m ALWAYS polite to peoples’ faces, even when they’re being assholes, but then when they leave I’ll mock them and sometimes even blog about them. I guess that makes me passive aggressive. And kind of a bitch. I should probably work on that.

3. Tell me how much you love TV. Oh, it has to be a question? What do you love on TV right now?

I love ALL THE THINGS on TV. We actually don’t have satellite, so we watch everything a year behind on Netflix. Right now I’m most invested in Breaking Bad, but we’re also intermittently watching Bates Motel, American Horror Story, and every single documentary I see about ancient Egypt, because I like learning about mummies. I also can’t wait for the next season of Orange is the New Black.

4. What’s your favorite snack food? Salty or sweet?

My favorite snack food is CHEESE, so I’ll go with salty.

5. What quality do you detest about people on Facebook? Dish!

People who overshare. I do not need to see pictures of your child’s shit, your dog’s shit, ANY TYPE OF SHIT, your open wounds,  your surgery, your in-grown toenails, or your nipples. All things I’ve seen on my feed.

6. What’s your favorite candy?

Milky Way Midnight and Yorks, depending on my mood.

7. How do you indulge? How do you spoil yourself?

Retail therapy. I enjoy it so much that I should probably look into actual therapy. Thankfully, I’m super paranoid about having good credit, so it doesn’t ever get out of control.

8. What would someone have to do for you to unfriend/unfollow them on any social media platform?

Say anything racist, homophobic or routinely post pictures of shit and/or blood. Also, can everyone make a pact to stop taking those “What ___ are you” quizzes and then acting like your results contain some deep insight into your personality? (I will admit that I took the “What Downton Abbey Character Are You” quiz one day when I was bored and got Dowager, Countess of Grantham, which is pretty accurate.)

9. What’s your favorite line from a movie?

I quote movies incessantly so there is no way I can pick just one favorite. Here’s one that I say whenever I need a break from work: “I’m going to the nut shop where it’s FUN.” QUICK, NAME THAT MOVIE.

10. What was the last movie you saw? Did you like it?

Dave had “Click” on in the background yesterday morning while I was getting ready. Did I like it? I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention. I did happen to catch a scene where Adam Sandler farts in the face of David Hasselhoff, and it might have been funny if it wasn’t such an apt metaphor for both of their careers.


11. What’s your favorite holiday and why?

Probably Thanksgiving. I like Christmas, but it always ends with that “aww, it’s over” feeling. But after Thanksgiving it’s like WHOO, GET OUT THE CHRISTMAS CRAP! Also: stuffing.

Now it’s time for 11 random facts about myself, apparently. I’ll try to keep them interesting to make up for the fact that this is the longest blog post in the history of the Internet.

1. My first word was “jerk,” and I’m proud to say that I even used it in context (somebody cut my mom off on the freeway and she had to slam on her brakes).

2.  I don’t want kids, ever.

3. I grew up riding horses, and traveled all over to compete throughout high school.

4. I play the banjo (I’m also terribly rusty at the moment).

5. One time I inadvertently wound up working for a religious cult and didn’t realize it until a few weeks later when I was asked to accompany the “President” into a room so he could “call my spirit out and talk to it.” The sad thing is that I kept the job for like three more months because I had just graduated from college and needed the money. My Google chat logs from this time period are hilarious.

6. I can’t roll my “r”s no matter how hard I try.

7. I have really irrational anxiety over flushing toilets – for some reason I’m terrified of them overflowing. If I’m in a new place I have to do one test flush to make sure everything is in working order. The downside of that plan is I’m pretty sure people assume I’ve taken a poop big enough to warrant two flushes.

8. I hate peanut butter.

9. I like to let my cereal sit in the milk for at least 10 minutes so it gets nice and soggy. This is especially good with Grape Nuts and Cinnamon Life.

10. I lived in LA for like five years, and the most famous person I ever saw was Danny DeVito. Sadly, this was pre-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, so I didn’t even get to appreciate it at the time.

11. I’m mega-addicted to my morning cup of coffee. If I don’t have it, I get a debilitating headache and turn into a monster. Not necessarily in that order.

Now it’s time to nominate some blogs!

I’m actually having a hard time thinking of blogs that haven’t already done the whole Liebster thing … If you’re on this list and have already done this, feel free to ignore it!

8littlepaws – Awesome recipes, good book/TV recommendations, house projects, and cute cats. Basically, everything you could possibly want in a blog.

A Little Glitter – Pamela is on a mission to make the world sparkle and posts lots of pretty clothes and shoes. She had me at “glitter.”

The Weights and Measures – One of my old coworkers recently started this blog about her weight loss journey, and even though this is a little more frivolous than what she usually posts, I happen to know she has a frivolous side!

I’ll be honest: This is way more effort than I normally put into a post, so I’m going to go ahead and steal most of Shauna’s questions instead of write my own. I’ll change a couple so I’m not totally plagiarising:

1. What makes you laugh?

2. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?

3. Tell me how much you love TV. Oh, it has to be a question? What do you love on TV right now?

4. What celebrity would you most like to meet, and why?

5. What quality do you detest about people on Facebook? Dish!

6. What’s your favorite place you’ve ever been?

7. What is your favorite band/singer?

8. What would someone have to do for you to unfriend/unfollow them on any social media platform?

9. What’s your favorite line from a movie?

10. What was the last movie you saw? Did you like it?

11. What’s your favorite holiday and why?

Thanks again for nominating me, Shauna!


I just saved over $200!

I’m about to devote an entire post to nude wedges. If you don’t like shoes, you may want to stop here and use the five minutes you were going to spend reading my blog to examine your life choices because shoes are awesome and you should be excited about them.

(To be fair I should probably examine my life choices as well, on account of I don’t contribute to any sort of retirement fund but I don’t think twice about dropping a huge chunk of discretionary income on shoes every month.)


Source    Somewhere, Dave Ramsey’s head is exploding.

Out of all my shoes, the ones I reach for the most are basic, nude wedges. They go with everything, they make my legs look longer, and wedges are so comfortable and easy to walk in. I wear them so often that I typically go through like a pair a year, so I recently decided to purchase some “investment wedges” to last me a little longer. That’s when I found these:

I love them. Only at $295, they were a tiny bit more of an investment than I was planning to make. After some waffling, I decided to search around for a more affordable option, which is when I found these:

I don’t love them as much as the DVFs, but I do really like these. Plus, I saved myself like $200. Suck on that, Dave Ramsey!


Source   Dave will not.

Pear Blossom Race Recap

Pear Blossom

Via Instagram The face of somebody about to relief-eat her way through all the cheese.

Good news! My allergies didn’t kill me! Let’s start off with a quick by-the-numbers review before getting into the actual recap:

– Miles covered: 10
– McDonald’s bathrooms destroyed due to pre-race nerves and an ill-advised decision to eat jalapeno mac and cheese the night before: 1
– Same question, except port-a-potties: 2
– Level of rage on a scale of 1-10 when I realized they weren’t handing out medals at the finish: Voldemort.



Seriously though, I really enjoyed this race. Mostly because it contained only one hill, at the top of which sat a DJ blasting “Hot Blooded” on repeat. Because a good song to inspire a pack of sweaty runners who have just crested a giant hill is one that mentions having a fever of 103.

Anyway, the recap. First of all, you should know that I subscribe to the “slow but steady” philosophy when I run long distances. Part of it is due to my heart condition that causes tachycardia (and my addiction to fried foods covered in cheeses might play a role as well), but I have a really hard time sustaining a decent pace for more than three miles, no matter how many sprint drills I do. I finally decided to stop berating myself over the fact that I’m not fast and just let myself enjoy running. And the pre- and post-run fueling it allows me to engage in. Because what IS running, if not an excuse to eat more?


Source   Whatever.

I was averaging a 10:30 pace when I was actually running. However, factoring in short walk breaks, taking pictures of the scenery, digging pebbles out of my shoes, and a visit to the medical tent to inquire about a Band-Aid for a blister, it took me around two hours to finish. See? Not fast. But I felt strong and had zero IT band pain, which tells me I’ve at least gotten stronger since my half marathon last year, when I kind of just wanted to ask the medics to amputate my left leg above the knee.

I also loved that it was an out-and-back course, not only because it didn’t require shuttles, but because I love seeing the leader pass me going the other way. I always get all emotional when I see that person running faster than I’ll ever be able to, and for a few seconds it makes me want to hire a running coach and start eating a raw food diet and get all serious about it. And then I remember how much I like Taco Bell and I’m like nah, I’m good with my mediocre abilities and Nacho Cheese Chalupa addiction.

Christian Bale Taco Gif

I don’t know. It seemed appropriate.

The absolute best part about this race, though, was the crowd support. Entire classrooms of kids lined up outside a local elementary school to hand out water, offer high fives, and spray sweaty runners with a garden hose. Residents along the entire course were out in their driveways cheering us on, and at one point there was even a senior citizen bluegrass band jamming away and handing out water. How awesome is that? I figured the finish line area would be pretty empty since the leaders had finished like 45 minutes before I even got there, but when I rounded the corner for the final stretch, the crowd was almost as full and loud as it was when we started. I totally had a Chariots of Fire moment for that last 200 meters, as much as you can have a Chariots of Fire moment while Lil Wayne is all up in your ear buds threatening to pick the world up and drop it on your f!$#ing head.

I texted Dave after I finished to let him know that he didn’t need to come ID my body at the morgue, and when I got home a little bit later I found this on the dining room table:


You guys, he bought polka dot ribbon to tie the candy bars together and the balloon to the mojito bottle. He is the best.

And then I spent the rest of the day watching Netflix. The end.



High Five for Friday

I logged in last night to write this post and was shocked when I saw that my last update was on Monday. I totally thought I had blogged more than that this week. Turns out, I suck. Also, that should give you some idea of what it feels like inside my brain right now. I’m just hoping today goes by quickly and that I don’t have to interact with anyone in any way. So … basically like every other day of my life.

Lucille gif

Me, whenever my phone rings.

And now for my Friday High Five:

1. It finally warmed up this week, and one night I decided to catch up on some freelance work outside on the deck while Dave smoked cigars. It was super peaceful until our neighbor came outside with her kid and proceeded to scream profanities at it for the duration of the evening. In her defense, maybe her kid is actually named “little shit.” I don’t know her life.


2. My sister was visiting my parents this week, so I took Wednesday off work and drove down to meet my newest nephew, Theodore:

TheoOn all accounts he is very calm and hardly ever fusses, so it’s no surprise that he started crying shortly after I picked him up and continued on and off for the rest of the day. I also enjoyed spending some time with his big brother Josh, who is pictured below housing some delicious Target popcorn while waiting for his chocolate milk at Starbucks. He clearly takes after Aunt Heather:


3. In addition to shoveling popcorn down my gullet at Target, I also bought a table runner:

RunnerI’m weirdly excited about it, considering it’s … a piece of cloth draped across a table.

4. I also bought this skirt at Target. It’s a super soft material, which means that I’ve basically discovered a socially acceptable way of wearing sweats to work. It’s probably only a matter of time until I bring home a pair of Pajama Jeans.


5. I’m running the 10-miler at Medford’s annual Pear Blossom event tomorrow, and I’m simultaneously excited and nervous. I’m nercited. My last three runs have been horrible, probably because everything is blossoming and I can’t breathe, so it stands to reason that running 10 miles through blooming pear orchards might actually make my lungs explode. I’ve even had a couple nightmares about it, and when I texted my friend Sarah about them yesterday she was super encouraging.


If I don’t post at all next week, it’s probably because I’m lying helpless in a ditch somewhere along the course. And on that upbeat note, happy Friday!

Voodoo Doughnut Beer + FlipBelt Review

If you follow me on Instagram, then you may have seen that we tried a kind of unusual beer on Friday night:

Voodoo Doughnut BeerIt first caught my eye because PINK BOTTLE! but then when I realized it was a collaboration with Voodoo Doughnut, I knew I had to buy it. Verdict: It definitely smelled like a delicious doughnut, but it wasn’t over-the-top sweet – to me, it just tasted like a mild chocolate ale. I couldn’t detect the banana or peanut butter flavor at all, but that’s probably because my 29-year addiction to processed cheese products has ruined my palate.

On Sunday I figured I’d do some running to counteract my beer drinking, so I headed out to the trail around the lake to take my new FlipBelt for a spin. I’m going to share my thoughts with you, mostly so I can say that one of the over 300 posts on this blog has been useful. You’re welcome.

While a couple of things annoyed me, overall I am a huge fan. Let’s start with how it works: Basically, it’s a stretchy tube with several openings around it that allow you to slide items into the tube. You then flip the belt over so the openings are flush against your body, keeping all your items secure:

FlipBelt 1

Like this.

I took my phone, chapstick, house key, and energy chews, and it all fit easily. However – I would suggest sizing up if you would prefer the belt to sit on your hips as opposed to your waist. I had planned to wear mine down lower, but after about a half mile of having to tug it down every few steps, I just gave up and let it sit up around my natural waist where it wanted to be. It actually didn’t bug me as much as I thought it would, since it wasn’t too tight and didn’t bounce around at all, but if I had to go back I’d definitely size up.

I was also impressed that I was able to fit all that crap into the belt and it didn’t look like I had a massive spare tire under my shirt:

FlipBelt 2

Pro tip: Take blog pictures BEFORE your run to avoid pit stains.


Question of the day: What’s the weirdest beer you have tried? Aside from the Voodoo concoction up there, mine would probably be banana bread beer. (Which Dave and I both really liked. Maybe we both have messed up taste buds.)

High Five for Friday

1. It’s been cold and rainy for the last few weeks, and I’ve become addicted to buying bright flowers every time I go to the grocery store. If it can’t be spring outside my house, it can be spring inside my house, dammit.


2. My FlipBelt arrived last night! I haven’t tested it out yet, but I plan to wear it on my long run on Sunday. I only have one pair of running bottoms with a zip pocket, and once I cram my chapstick, energy chews and house key inside of it, I wind up looking like I have a tumor on my lower back. I don’t even take my phone on runs with me, since it won’t fit. My phone, key, chews, and ID all fit inside the FlipBelt with room to spare, and it’s super comfy. I’ll report back with a full review next week!


3. I’m really bad about putting off getting my hair done unless I’m making a drastic change. My hair grows pretty fast, and my split end/bangs situation tends to get really out of control, so I’ve been trying to be better about getting regular trims every six weeks or so. One of the other stylists came up to me as I was leaving on Wednesday and was all, “Did you know we do spray tans?” The sad thing is that I’ve been regularly applying tanning lotion for a couple weeks now. Damn you, Irish ancestors.


4. A couple weeks ago I asked you guys if you had any favorite at-home workouts, and a couple people recommended Fitness Blender. I tried the 30-minute Brutal Butt & Thigh Workout last night and totally loved it. I get really tired of the same old squats and lunges on most videos, but this one included a bunch of moves I hadn’t done before. The deadlifts with turned-out toes (pictured below) were particularly brutal.


5. I plan to devote a few solid hours to watching Breaking Bad this weekend. I had a mild panic attack earlier this week when I realized there are only 5 seasons, and we’re almost done with season 4. Our obsession with this show is not unlike that Portlandia BSG skit, and I know it’s going to be ugly when we finish the series.

Have a great weekend!

 photo H54Fbutton-1_zpsa7aaa665.png


I don’t know why I decided it would be a good idea to drink beer AND scotch on a random Tuesday night, but I did, and it turns out I’m getting old because HOLY GOD when I woke up this morning I thought I might actually die.


Source    Kids are dumb.

In my defense, we had a friend over for dinner, and I didn’t want to be rude and, like, not drink all of the beer that she brought. Also working against me is the fact that we stayed up until midnight last night. Actually, everyone else stayed up until midnight while I slept on the couch like a slug, probably with my gullet wide open from the way my mouth felt when I jolted awake. Much sophistication. Such class.

The good news is that I rallied pretty quick after drinking some seriously strong coffee. Now I just have to drink a million glasses of water throughout the day so that I won’t die on my run tonight. Who has two thumbs and is totally regretting signing up for a damn 10-miler next week? THIS GIRL. Also, probably a lot of other people because that shit is hard.

Two days until Friday! Woo!