You guys, I had a breakthrough this weekend: I’ve been in the wrong business all my life.
Let me back up a bit. The scene: Dave and I were at Rite-Aid 10 minutes before a birthday party, trying to find a card that didn’t play Brick House upon opening or feature animals making poop jokes. (“Your gift is in the litter box HAR HAR!”) We finally pick the least stupid card of the bunch, get to the register, and it rings up for $7.99.
Things I’m OK paying $8 for:
– My monthly Netflix subscription
– A bottle of nail polish that will last me six months or more
– 8 songs on iTunes that will live on my iPod forever
– A pound of coffee to get me through a month of early mornings
Things I’m not OK paying $8 for:
– A greeting card that reads like the author suffered a serious head injury minutes before penning it, which will be read once and then thrown directly into the trash
Has anyone seen my shit? Because I lost it right there in the Rite Aid lobby. Clearly I missed my calling to become a greeting card author. With more than three functioning brain cells, I figure I have a leg up on the competition.
Anyway. Valentine’s Day is coming up, and if you buy your loved one a card from the drugstore there is a very good chance he or she will lose all respect for you and leave you immediately. I don’t want this to happen to you, so here are 10 non-stupid options that you can order online and present to your lover with pride this February 14: