This weekend has been incredible.
It started on Friday when I handed my boss my letter of resignation, something my friends and family have been urging me to do for years. I guess they got tired of hearing me say, “I’d love to, but I have to work” every time they invited me somewhere.
My last day is June 15, and after that I’m taking two weeks off to do absolutely nothing. I mean, I’ll probably get up every so often to open a new can of Easy Cheese or to change out the Harry Potter DVDs, but that’s the extent of “work” I plan to do. And after those two weeks, I’m starting a new career path in marketing, something I’m seriously excited about. That excitement far outweighs any lingering feelings of dread I may have about having to work these last two weeks, and this is the first weekend I’ve truly felt relaxed, or even remotely creative, in such a long time. I decided to celebrate by making something pretty.
I pinned this like three months ago and this weekend I finally got around to actually trying it:
I’ll note that I try not to pin things I know I won’t make. If the words “chiffonade” or “julienne” or “cut in a straight line” are involved when I click the link, I close that shit right down. But this one looked super easy – all it involves is a glue gun, a bottle and some spray paint.
What has two thumbs and can screw up a project that only involves a glue gun, a bottle and some spray paint? THIS GIRL.
I started out by taking a couple of wine bottles and soaking them in warm, soapy water to get the labels to come off. This actually worked really well, giving me a false sense of confidence that I’d be able to complete this task without wanting to kill myself.
Next, I dried the bottles off and got out the glue gun.
You guys, the glue gun beat me. I was at least wise enough to know that I’d never get my handwriting to look as good as it does in the original pin, so I figured I’d do a pattern of vertical dots running up the sides of the bottle. The first two columns went OK until this happened:
I wish I could blame this on a hand tremor or major earthquake, but I just suck.
I was running out of glue so I put a new stick into the gun. It wasn’t getting hot immediately, so I looked at the T.V. for a second and got sucked into the Dawson’s Creek pilot. Dawson had just told Joey he slaps the clown to Katie Couric every morning when I looked down and saw that a huge blob of glue was streaming out of the gun* and forming on my bottle. Of course I tried to stop it from running with my fingers, and of course it hurt like hell because hi, it’s HOT GLUE, not pleasantly warm, finger-friendly adhesive.
Tip number one: Use puff paint if you want to make a design without burning your fingers off.
After the hot glue incident I still had two bottles left, so I decided to scrap the whole glue idea and just use the chalkboard paint. This leads me to tip number two: Wear gloves when you spraypaint:
Fun fact: I designed the newspaper behind this freshly ruined manicure.
That picture was taken after about 10 minutes of furious scrubbing. When I first came inside my entire left hand was covered in paint, so I tried to scrub it off, only it wasn’t working. At all. Just as I started to panic about what if it hardened and my hand was stuck forever as a chalkboard claw, I tried rubbing it with the back side of (my boyfriend’s brand new) sponge, and it (mostly) came off.
Feeling tired from that ordeal, I sat down at the kitchen table to kick my feet up for a few minutes while the paint dried, which leads me to tip three: Don’t wear a skirt while you spraypaint:
Bonus life tip: Use fake tan every day if there is even a remote possibility a picture of your legs will ever be posted on the Internet.
At this point I decided the wise thing to do was have a beer and not care about what the final product looked like. Which, if you’re wondering, is this:
The spray paint bottle said to wait 24 hours before using chalk on it. Hopefully by then I won’t be able to use chalk on my kneecaps or fingernails anymore.
* The irony was not lost on me