Category Archives: Entertainment

And Now the ‘Ghost Busters’ Theme Song is in My Head

I am a total pansy when it comes to scary movies, but for some reason I really like to watch “Ghost Hunters.” I also like to watch “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and any reality show ending in “-zillas” so take that for what it’s worth.

Anyway, last week I got the urge to watch some ghost stories, which sucks because Netflix only has “Ghost Hunters International” available for streaming, and I’ve already watched them all on account of GHOSTS IN EUROPE.

So Frawnch

Source   Sadly, none of them looked like this.

When I want to watch regular Ghost Hunters I have to add the DVDs to my queue and wait like two days for them to come in the mail like a goddamn peasant. The disc finally came last Friday, and when I popped it into the DVD player it worked for about 10 minutes and then started skipping. And here is the weird thing: This happens every time I try to watch a Ghost Hunters DVD. EVERY TIME. And it’s only Ghost Hunters that this happens with. Ergo, my DVD player is totally haunted. At this point all I can do is hope the spirit was killed because he uncovered an embezzlement plot and will lead me to a bank account filled with $4 million.

ghost-1990-08-g

Source  Fact: I have watched “Ghost” too many times.

(Just in case I was overreacting with the whole “my DVD player is haunted” theory, I contacted Netflix and told them the disc was damaged so they would send me a new one. I popped it in last night and it skipped so bad it wouldn’t even start playing. I put in an “Alias” disc right after and it played fine. QED.)

Why I’m a Little Dumber Than I Was Yesterday

Dave bought us a flat screen TV and Roku for the bedroom with his tax return last month, and it is simultaneously the best and worst thing that has ever happened. Our evening routine has always involved watching a little TV before bed, but back when we just had a regular old TV we were forced to watch DVDs of things we already owned. But now, a virtual Bacchanalia of shitty reality TV has opened up before us and we are powerless before it.

Last night, for example, we got sucked into Marriage Boot Camp: Bridezillas, which basically involves 10 human turds living in a mansion and “working on their marriages” on national TV. Oh, and they are all former stars of Bridezillas.

Juno-please-dont-judge-me

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Just kidding, you should totally be judging me right now.

We’ve only seen the first episode, and already I hope the series finale ends with the ground opening up and and swallowing these morons. (I’m looking at YOU, San Adreas fault.) And yet I totally want to keep watching. I can’t decide who I like the least, but here are the frontrunners after the first episode:

rob-500x281_episode2_clip81

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These living examples of why half of U.S. marriages end in divorce almost left the show because they were assigned the smallest room in the mansion. He would, and I quote, “rather be homeless” than sleep in a measly 16×16 luxury suite in a Los Angeles mansion. Here, I’m pretty sure he’s counting the number of times he’s had the syph.

2013-06-03-bootcamp

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Their faces say more than any caption ever could.

I hate these people almost as much as I hate myself for wanting to watch them on TV.

In other news, Dave turns 30 today, so I wanted to take a moment to publicly wish him happy birthday. And remind him that I’ll still be in my 20s for four more months.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Really Lazy Sunday

After feeling super lazy and sluggish last week (I blame the rain, and also the very essence of my being), I woke up on Sunday full of energy and ready to Get! Shit! Done!

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It was like this, except without the Flowbie haircut.

After going grocery shopping and getting some work done, I made the mistake of turning on Breaking Bad and then proceeded to watch 13 EPISODES. So let’s see … that’s one, two, three, four, NINE hours of TV in one day. I could almost feel my muscles atrophy as I sat there, yet I COULD NOT STOP WATCHING.

Note: If you have not seen Breaking Bad and plan to watch it, you should skip the next paragraph.

Prior to yesterday, I had only seen the first season. I was bragging to Dave about how I  successfully avoided spoilers last year when everyone was talking about the finale, and then he was all, “But you know that he dies, right?”

On a happier note, I ordered this sweater from LOFT during their Presidents’ Day sale, and it is awesome (and also currently 40% off!):

Sweater

That is the cat’s stuffed dog on the floor behind me, not a dead rat.

I also ordered this dress, but thanks to my dumb short waist it will need some alterations before I post a picture.

How was your weekend?

Thoughts I’ve Had While Watching the Olympics

– If you can do it while wearing a three piece suit, it’s not a sport (I’m looking at you, ICE DANCING).

– Speaking of ice dancing, stop trying to make “twizzle” happen. It’s not going to happen. (My friend Sarah and I made up an ice dancing drinking game: Dial 9-1-1- and proceed to take a shot every time you hear the word “twizzle.” See if you’re still alive by the time the medics show up.)

– I miss Johnny Weir. Frankly, Jason Brown is the only male skater who has really brought the fab in the costume department so far. In future events, there better be fewer black pantsuits and more Leprechaun Pirate Bullfighters:

– ET airs before primetime Olympics coverage, and I’ve suffered through the end of it several times now. Groundbreaking information I’ve learned so far:  Alec Baldwin’s 18-year-old daughter likes Instagram, one of the Backstreet Boys is getting married, and why Shakira named her new album “Shakira” (spoiler alert: IT’S BECAUSE HER NAME IS SHAKIRA). I have never wanted a DVR more than I do right now.

– Bode Miller is still hot.

I had planned to do some (drunk) live-blogging of the Olympics over the weekend, but obviously that didn’t happen so I’m shooting for this weekend instead. You better hope your pinkeye has cleared up by Saturday, Bob.

My Holiday Plans (With a Side of Nutcracker WTFery)

I haven’t used much vacation time this year, so I’m taking the next four days off of work and heading down to my parents’ house for Christmas. I’m pretty excited to spend the next few days eating, watching Christmas movies, eating some more, baking, and eating the stuff we bake. My suitcase is filled with stretchy pants and Tums.

The only thing harshing my holiday buzz right now is the fact that I won’t be spending Christmas with Dave (he doesn’t get to take much time off around the holidays … newspaper life, I do not miss you). He’s staying here and spending his one day off with his family. On the other hand, when I told him that our extended family of about 16 people all come over with their gifts on Christmas morning and open them one at a time his head looked like it was going to explode, so I’m guessing he’s relieved to have dodged that bullet this year.

Speaking of heads exploding, Netflix recently added “The Nutcracker” to the holiday favorites section on “watch it now.” I loved that movie as a kid, so on Sunday morning I was like you know what Netflix, I WILL watch it now, and then I regretted it because it turns out The Nutcracker is CRAZY. The funny thing is that I don’t remember thinking the plot was weird or confusing when I was 10, but when I watched it yesterday I had SO MANY QUESTIONS. Like, what is the deal with all the rats? Why is this considered a holiday favorite? Why does Uncle Drosselmeyer look like he belongs on the Megan’s Law site?

I’m guessing this was under the “holiday” category because it starts out at a Christmas party? Maybe? I don’t know, I was distracted by the fact that the parents at the party seemed to be intent on teaching their kids that it’s cool to interact with guys who look like this as long as they promise to give you toys:

Drosselmeyer

If you think these toys are neat, you should see the ones in the back of my van!

So here’s what I’m sure of: Clara gets a dollhouse and her little bitch brother Fritz gets a rat puppet, and then also this nutcracker ornament falls out of the tree and Clara grabs it, and then Fritz breaks it (told you he was a little bitch), so Uncle Drosselmeyer bandages him up and the party is over. After that, shit gets weird. Clara comes back out to the ballroom to check on the nutcracker, and the rat puppet turns into this:

Rat King

More ballets should feature killer rodents. How much more awesome would “Swan Lake” be if it featured swan-on-rat fight scenes? YOU’RE WELCOME, ABT.

And just when you think ALL IS LOST, the nutcracker comes to life and kills it before disappearing into the dead rat’s clothing and morphing into a prince with seriously questionable facial hair:

Nutcracker Prince

Curses! Foiled again!

And Clara is all:

12.23.13 Clara

Just kidding. She totally digs his Snidely Whipstache and they fake-sail around the world dancing together blah blah some more cool dancing blah blah they are crowned king and queen and then you realize IT WAS ALL A DREAM. And at first you’re all “whew, at least the giant rat king wasn’t real” but then you realize that Uncle Drosselmeyer happened before she fell asleep so it’s still kind of creepy. The end.

I didn’t really mean for that to morph into the worst movie review ever. I think it’s time that I step away from the computer and toward some sugar cookies. Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

December Photo Challenge Day 11: Book I’m Reading (With Bonus Josh Hutcherson Pics!)

Hunger Games

The odds of me reading in bed without falling asleep are never in my favor.

As you can see, I’m currently finishing up The Hunger Games trilogy. I’m about three quarters of the way through the final book, and while I’ve been enjoying the story I’m kind of ready for it to be over so I can stop being annoyed by Peeta. Like, sorry you were tortured and your “fighting skills” are more suitable for Cupcake Wars than the Hunger Games, but quit being so needy. Also, your name is dumb.

Josh Hutcherson, on the other hand, can follow me around like a helpless goon anytime he wants.

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Really hoping he’s over 18.

Want to play along? Click here to see the December Photo Challenge.

Why I love the Internet

Dave and I have been watching a lot of TV this week, mostly because our house is 90 years old (for reals) and only has air conditioning in the bedroom. Ever since these 100-degree temperatures hit, our evenings have looked this this:

Drive home from work. Sit in the air conditioned car for 10 minutes while mustering the strength to go inside. Walk in the front door, contemplate trying to cook dinner on the countertops so we don’t have to turn on the oven. Give up and eat ice cream for dinner. Think about working out for 10 seconds before heading into the air conditioned bedroom to watch TV for five hours.

The downside of this situation is that I can almost feel my muscles shriveling up and dying. The upside is that we’ve been able to catch up on several series we’ve fallen behind on, including one of my all-time favorites, Parks & Rec. We were a few episodes into our marathon last night when I realized that Ron Swanson is totally Grumpy Cat’s doppelganger. I grabbed my laptop and was all ready to create a side-by-side comparison when I realized that there is no way I’m the first person to notice this.

And I was right:

God bless you, random girl on Tumblr.

ron+swanson+meme

And God bless Ron Swanson.