Tag Archives: exercise

My First CrossFit Experience

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A new CrossFit box recently opened in Yreka, and my friend Jayne talked me into going with her  Saturday morning. Full disclosure: I avoided CrossFit for a long time because I was pretty afraid of dying/puking/somebody telling me I should stop eating cheese because CAVEMEN. (Calm down, Paleo fans: I’m sure your body is better than mine and you will outlive me by decades. I still choose Brie.)

The good news: I had a ton of fun, and nobody diet-shamed me. The bad news: I’m afraid to go back because I haven’t been able to lift my arms above waist level since Saturday. Seriously, I had to ask Dave to put my pajamas on me like a damn toddler on Saturday night.

Me, every time I move.

Me, every time I move.

I am happy to report that I’m already seeing some positive changes in my health. For example, I thought about drinking a beer Saturday night, but decided it wouldn’t be worth the effort to lift the bottle to my mouth. Maybe this is CrossFit’s secret to success: tiring the arm muscles to the point where they’re physically incapable of lifting anything heavier than a kale leaf.

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Hey Ryan, you can start with my triceps.

All joking aside: I can’t wait to go back. I had no idea my upper body was so weak, and I’m determined to do something about it. I also wouldn’t be mad if my butt was a little more Beyonce and a little less Roseanne Barr. I know it can be a good thing to work through sore muscles, but at this point I feel like it might not be wise to lift heavy stuff when the act of fastening my bra feels like summiting Everest. Any CrossFit experts reading? Please advise in the comments.

My buns, they don’t feel nothin’ like steel

Between  having a nasty cough that lasted an entire month and having lots of very important things to do (watching the two latest seasons of “Law and Order: SVU” on Netflix), I worked out a grand total of three times in January. Last night, I finally felt good enough to get back to it.

Instead of going to the gym, I decided to do a FitnessBlender video. They categorize their videos into levels 1-5, with 1 being easiest and 5 making me want to mail cat turds to the FitnessBlender headquarters. I normally choose level 4 videos, so yesterday I figured I’d do a level 3 just to “ease myself back into it.” Apparently I underestimated the impact of my month-long hiatus, because just the 2-minute warm up had me huffing and puffing. After the first round of HIIT, I looked like one of those people you see collapsing and pissing their pants at a marathon finish line, only instead of running 26.2 miles my grand accomplishment was  40 seconds of burpees. I may have to switch to something a bit more gentle.

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Like perhaps, this.

Pelvic thrusts, she wrote

Pelvic thrusts, she wrote.

Anyway, the good news is that I’ve been eating super healthy lately to counteract the fact that I haven’t been exercising as much.

Did you believe that? I didn’t think so. Case in point: my Super Bowl snack contribution consisted of a box of Cheez Its covered in canola oil and dusted with ranch dressing mix and red pepper flakes. They paired quite nicely with beer, cheese-filled pretzel bites, pizza, Velveeta cheese dip, and homemade whoopie pies.  I stepped on the scale expecting to be horrified, but as it turns out I actually lost a pound since I last weighed myself a month ago.

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I’ll be honest, my first reaction was, “YESSS, VELVEETA AND BEER 4EVER!” But since heart attacks don’t sound super fun, I’m resisting the urge to continue eating what is essentially the Honey Boo Boo diet. I eventually made it to the end of my level 3 workout without passing out and have a fridge full of veggies, so I guess that’s a start.