Tag Archives: real estate

Signing Day

Loan Docs

While I try to wrap my head around the fact that I’m about to be many thousands of dollars in debt, go ahead and read this rundown of my day so far and say a little “thank you” to the universe that you are not me.

6 AM: Consider hitting snooze on the alarm, then remember that in a few hours I’ll be signing my life away to the bank. Jolt awake and pop a beta blocker.


8:05 AM: Remember that I put the check in the zippered compartment of my purse so that I wouldn’t  freak out about losing it.

9 AM: Can’t focus, so I Google “first-time homeowner anxiety.” Read a few Yahoo! answer forums that popped up and wonder how people so stupid can operate computers.

9: 40 AM: Start sweating profusely. Stuff paper towels in the armholes of my dress to avoid unsightly sweat stains.

9:45 AM: Momentarily lose bowel control.

9:50 AM: Pack up my purse and leave for the notary office.

9:51 AM: Run back inside my office to throw away armpit towels.

10 AM-PRESENT: One big blur.

The good news is that I am getting an unbelievably good deal on this house. Like, when the notary saw the mortgage amount she told me to hold on for a second while she called the bank to double check the number. The bad news is that I am the queen of worst-case scenarios, so for the last month or so most of my dreams have involved me waking up in the new house to find a termite infestation. In one dream I lost my hands (no, the dream did not include whatever tragic accident resulted in my handlessness) and I was in hysterics because I couldn’t write my mortgage checks anymore. Honestly though, the scariest part about that dream was that Dream Me was the type of person who mailed her mortgage payment instead of setting up automatic debit. GET IT TOGETHER, SUBCONSCIOUS.

So yeah. After all that signing, we still won’t get the keys until next week. Hopefully Wednesday, since that is the closing date, but possibly Friday if we have to request an extension due to the title company being out of town. And if you think I am the type of person who listens when their realtor says “don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” you should probably head back over to the Yahoo! forums where you belong.

Interior Inspiration Series Part 1: Gray Walls

Many of my friends/family members have been asking how our home purchase is coming along, and I decided to update everyone via blog post to save everyone from the face I make whenever I ruminate on the fool’s errand that is buying a house. A mixture of gut-churning anxiety and horror, it looks something like this:


Anyway, here’s the latest news:

We did the inspection last week, and it came back pretty clean. With a few small exceptions, most of the repairs that need to be taken care of immediately are cosmetic. The roof is great, the foundation is good, the plumbing/electrical stuff is all in order, and there’s no evidence of pest infestation/damage. The appraisal won’t happen for about two weeks, as there are only two people who do appraisals in my city and they are both on vacation. Oh, small town living.

We did get our loan locked at an amazingly low rate last week, which I’m super excited about. If everything goes according to plan, the mortgage on this three-bedroom house will be less than my monthly rent was at my old two-bedroom apartment.

The bad news is, we’ve found ourselves in this weird house limbo – we’ve been told not to celebrate until all the papers are signed at closing, yet if all goes well, there is a lot to be done that requires a fair amount of planning (painting, ripping up the nasty-ass carpet and installing new flooring, etc.). So we have made a prioritized list of everything we want to take care of, and are cautiously planning how we want to tackle each item. Without getting our hopes up. Ha.

I’ve decided to start a little series of home inspiration photos, starting today with wall color. Both of us really like the look of gray walls with white trim, so we’ve been scouring Pinterest and design blogs looking for ideas.

Here’s a little roundup of looks we like:

I love how colors just pop against a gray wall, and that the color pretty much goes with anything – you can easily change out your accessories/wall art for a fresh look every few months without having to re-paint a room. Which is great for a couple of lazy people like us. (Seriously. It is 12:15 p.m. as I type this, and we are both in our pajamas on the couch.)

Unfortunately, couldn't find a source for this one!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a source for this one.

I also really like the look of half gray, half white walls. I think it would be a great way to continue the color scheme into the bathrooms/bedrooms without things looking too “matchy.”

No source for this one either? Come on, Pinterest.

No source for this one either? Get your shit together, people of Pinterest.

I guess I should apologize to all my Pinterest followers for blowing up my Home Board this weekend. And probably warn you that you’re about to see a whole bunch of bathroom pins popping up in the next few days. At least it’s giving me a break from the chocolate-covered-cookie-dough-oreo-brownie-fudge-cake-on-a-stick madness that is the Pinterest Food/Drink section. I don’t want to have to add “widen doorways” to our list of home improvement projects.

Things Stressing Me Out Today!

Things stressing me out today

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you’re really stressed, but you’re also super sleepy because you are up all night worrying about the things that are making you stressed, rendering you too tired to react properly to whatever is stressing you out?

It’s almost like my mind went into self-preservation mode, and is now floating around independent from my body just laughing at all the crap I’m dealing with. Major unexpected financial expenses right when I’m buying a house and taking a vacation? HILARIOUS. Closing costs on said house over three times what I was told to budget for? WHO CARES WHEN I CAN WATCH A MASHUP OF ALL THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT CHICKEN DANCES 20 TIMES IN A ROW!

I’m so out of it that I accidentally ran an extra mile and a half on the treadmill last night. I looked down to see how close I was to 4 miles, and I had gone 5.5. Usually I am watching the little distance box like a (sweaty, asthmatic) hawk and trying to convert the “calories burned” number into something more useful, like “how many beers I can drink with dinner without gaining weight?”

I know this stress isn’t permanent, and until everything gets sorted out, I’m trying to focus on things that make me happy. Things like the flowers outside finally blooming:


And tequila:

We leave for Southern California tomorrow morning, and I’m determined not to let this stress ruin our trip. I’m definitely pumped about the half marathon, and even MORE pumped about not having to follow a strict training plan anymore when I get home. I’m just praying Dave and I don’t kill each other on the 9-hour drive. He’s still pretty pissed about that hot dog cooker.

house hunters

I mentioned recently that I found a great house for sale up the street. Even though it started out as just daydreaming, Dave and I decided to go ahead and see if it makes sense to try and buy it.

Here are some things I’ve learned since we started the process:

1) My bank hates me. I know this because they insist that I CALL them to speak to a loan officer. ON THE PHONE. Which, whatever, maybe they want to make sure I don’t use the phrase “I seen” or sound like I’m missing my front teeth before they throw hundreds of thousands of dollars at me. But I assume if they are giving me large amounts of money they would expect me to, I don’t know, HAVE A JOB. And while it would take me five minutes to send them an email from my desk, it’s kind of impossible for me to convince my boss that I deserve a paycheck when I’m outside the building on my cellphone listening to Olivia Newton John’s entire catalog played whimsically on the oboe while I wait for a representative to tell me I’m probably too poor to buy a house.

2) I’m probably too poor to buy a house. Even though I have excellent credit. Even though I’ve been pre-approved. Even though I have  a great job where I make enough to easily pay a mortgage each month. Even though I promised the loan officer that I’d name my next dog after him (his name was Dick, so he probably sensed that was a lie). Turns out, I should have started saving for a down payment like 20 years ago. If I could, I’d go back in time and smack all those Wilson Phillips tapes right out of 12-year-old Heather’s grubby little paws and tell her to put that babysitting money in the bank. I think Dick could tell I was freaking out a little because he assured me that there are a few programs that help first time home buyers afford a down payment. This brings me to:

3) The acronyms. Sweet Lord, the acronyms. All I know is that I’m supposed to look into an FHA loan, which is part of HUD, but to use an FHA loan you have to pay MIP, which is different than PMI only I’m not sure how. WTF, Dick.

4) I don’t care where I live anymore, as long as there is a liquor cabinet with plenty of rum.

We haven’t given up yet, but I’m definitely regretting all those years in my early 20s where I didn’t think I’d ever care about ever owning a home. Have you been through the home buying process? I’d love any advice you might have to offer. Unless your advice is “drink more rum” because I’m already on top of that one.